Leave the Past Behind
by storytellerslie
Summary: A/H - Bella's trying so hard to forget the past, that she's losing herself. Will Edward be able to find the real her, before she spirals out of control? Canon Pairs
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

**BPOV**

Bella's head was pounding. Even the grey light of a morning in Forks was too much for her sensitive eyes. She flung her arm over her face and tried desperately to will herself to move. The bed of her ancient red truck wasn't usually this comfortable. But then Bella wasn't usually this hung over, well not on a school day anyway.

Suddenly she was aware that everyone in the parking lot had gone suspiciously quiet. She raised her head slowly to the side of the truck to see what all the fuss was about. She watched as a shiny new Volvo pulled into a parking space across from her. Bella wondered who the fuck in this town would own a brand new Volvo, and what kind of teenager would drive one. Resting her head on the edge of the truck, she watched as the door opened and a pair of long legs in scruffy jeans poked out, followed by a lean torso and the messiest hair she'd seen on anyone other than Jasper.

His hair was bronze coloured and seemed to catch the light in a way she'd never seen before, changing hue as the sparse sunlight filtered down through the clouds. It looked soft, and Bella had an urge to run her fingers through it. He stretched, lifting his arms into the air, and she caught a glimpse of the dips in his lower back as his t-shirt rode up. Somewhere, the usual airhead girls were giggling, and it was irritating. Bella lay back down slowly and let her eyes drift shut for the moment.

All too soon, her truck was moving violently up and down, the sounds of shoes landing on metal thundering right next to her head. Without opening her eyes Bella grumbled, "What the fuck Rose? Unless you want me to puke on whatever fancy shoes you have on today, stop doing that!" The thundering and rocking stopped, and Bella cracked one eye to see her friend Rosalie staring down at her, looking perfect as always.

"I'll stop as long as you get up. Apparently I missed the new kids and I need to get a look before class, so we need to go to the Quad."

"Fine, I'm up. Where's Jas?" Bella looked around through slightly blurred eyes and saw only Rosalie and Emmett waiting at the foot of her truck.

"Fuck if I know. I thought he was with you?" Bella just shook her head in response and followed her friends into the school rubbing her hand through her hair absently and grimacing at the knots.

Bella walked across the quad to the far wall and leaned against it to place herself strategically out of sight of the classrooms – she was craving a cigarette, badly. Rosalie continued to chat beside her. Relieved that Emmett was there to listen so she didn't have to, Bella happily tuned out everything and tried to focus on getting rid of her headache. _ "Nicotine, that's always a good place to start", _she thought as her eyes glazed over the scene in front of her.

Bella hadn't always been popular. In fact, she wasn't even sure that she'd call herself popular now, but apparently she was.

She'd never been entirely sure how it had happened. All it took was the right person thinking you were the shit, and everyone else would follow. Or in her case, the right two people – Jasper and Rosalie Hale.

_The ground behind the only supermarket in Forks was cold and wet, the dampness soaking through Bella's jeans. Her fingers were numbing quickly in the cool air, and she blew on them hoping to get the dexterity back quickly. She finished rolling and licked the edge of the paper. Surveying her work she smiled wryly and put the joint to her lips while she searched her pockets for her lighter. _

_Voices began to carry around the corner, and Bella froze hoping that they would pass without noticing her. As usual, her luck was crappy and the voices stopped abruptly. Trying not panic, Bella raised her eyes to see who may have aught her in her not so innocent activity.. _

_The tall blond girl was the most beautiful person Bella had ever seen in real life. Curvaceous and confident, she looked down at Bella with an expression that was part sneer, part question. The boy pulling at her arm dropped his hand slowly. His face broke into a slight but crooked smile, his pale blue eyes lit up in recognition, and he shook his dirty blond curls away from his face. _

"_Well, what have we here?" The slight drawl coming through his voice was hypnotic to Bella. It was smooth and rough all at the same time, and her eyes widened as he began to approach her. _

_The girl reached out to pull him back and stepped in front of him demanding, "Who are you?" With the boy's eyes out of view and the girls icy ones penetrating her with their ferocity, Bella dropped her gaze and attempted to respond. _

"_Bella, .um Bella Swan." She gulped and tried to lift her eyes back to the girl. _

"_Swan? As in Chief Swan?" The boy was now smiling widely as he elbowed the girl. They shared a quick look that seemed to say so much more than it possibly could, and the girl looked back to Bella._

"Isabella_ Swan right? We heard the chief's daughter was moving to town." She too smiled at Bella, and although Bella could see it wasn't quite real, and her eyes remained flat, she found herself returning it. "Never thought we'd meet you hiding back here sparking up though. I'm Rosalie, Rosalie Hale, and this is my brother Jasper. Pretty cold out here. Wanna hang out with us?"_

_Bella nodded slowly and got to her feet, as Jasper turned and starting walking in front of the two girls. Bella's eyes were drawn to him even as Rosalie grabbed her arm and threaded her own through it. _

"_What the fuck are you wearing anyway, Bella? I think we need to go shopping tomorrow. You in?"_

_That was all it took, one chance encounter, one misguided idea about how to make it through life in Forks a little less aware, and Bella was in. In with Rosalie and her "I don't give a fuck" attitude, and in with Jasper and his effortless cool. She didn't quite understand why or how, but they had seen something in Bella. Something she had to make sure they kept seeing._

The bell rang and Bella's eyes snapped back into focus. It was raining, again. She was drenched, and apparently, the only one still stupid enough to still be standing in the Quad. As she turned to leave, she noticed the boy. Standing just outside the doorway, bronze hair dripping slightly from the rain, he turned his back to her just as she looked at him, and she took the moment to slip away unnoticed.

Making it through today was going to be hard. Her headache had shifted slightly, but she hadn't seen Jasper all day and that just wasn't good enough. As the minutes until lunch crawled by, Bella struggled to remember the events of last night – hanging out at Jasper's, that much was clear. As usual there was drinking and more than a little weed, but that was nothing out of the ordinary, so what was with the colossal headache?

Jas would fill her in, hopefully. Sometimes he liked to leave her in the dark; it was kind of a mindfuck. On those days, she was never sure if she wanted to know or not. If it was bad enough for Jasper to keep quiet, it must be pretty bad. Bella hoped last night wasn't one of those nights as she entered the , just as Rosalie sauntered up behind her.

"Well fuck if the new boy isn't all kinds of tasty – or so I've heard. You seen them yet?" Bella smirked as she thought about the glimpse of skin she'd seen above those scruffy jeans.

"Only from behind."

"Oh Hells Bells, last night's all coming back to you then?" Jasper dropped his arm around her shoulders and looked a little too smug for Bella's liking.

"That better be a joke, Jas," she started before taking a closer look at his face. His blue eyes twinkled and he struggled to keep the smile cocky rather than wide. "You shit! You can't go around implying stuff like that!"

"If you could remember, I wouldn't be able to imply anything, now would I?" He countered, his face breaking into the grin he had been struggling to contain. Bella shrugged as they walked over to one of the corner tables.

"Anyway, it was just a typical night for us, Bells. At some point you thought a bottle of tequila sounded like a good idea. You passed out on my couch and I took you home." Jasper reached out to nudge Bella's chin up with his knuckles. He smiled at her and she shook her head, meeting his eyes for just a second.

Thank fuck for English class. Bella knew she could do anything she wanted in this class. Hell she could fall asleep in Mr. Tate's class and he wouldn't say a word. As long as she continued to ace every test and every paper, why should he care?

Her seat by the window meant she could watch the rain as it fell in rivulets down the glass and lose herself in the patterns. Unfortunately, today all she could seem to think about was the past, and that meant she was thinking too much. As the chair next to her squeaked, Bella stiffened imperceptibly. That seat was always empty. It was another reason that this was her favourite class. One of the new kids must have taken the seat next to her. She wondered momentarily, if it was the boy.

To distract herself from both the past and looking over at her new companion, Bella pulled out her book and slipped in her earbud. The disjointed ramblings of Burroughs and the quick beats of The Filthy Dukes successfully made her memories disappear, but they couldn't help with the itch to turn her head and look at the person sitting next to her. There was some delicious smell circulating, like the ocean and fresh mint, and she felt like she was being watched, but that couldn't be right. In the end she managed to read only a few pages, but nothing seemed to sink in.

As Bella dragged herself out of her seat, she turned to put her book away, and caught a glimpse of bronze hair – it must be the boy. Fleeting visions of what she'd seen of him throughout the day passed through her mind, but she didn't raise her eyes to get a closer look.

Suddenly a soft and smooth voice spoke to her, but all she could think was, _"Why is he talking to me? Oh, just an asinine question about English class". _Then her eyes lifted to look at his face for the first time.

Green - his eyes were so green, it was all she could see. She nearly gasped out loud, but Bella was used to concealing what she thought and felt, and it was just a second before she had it locked down. For a moment he looked worried, like he'd said something wrong rather than something merely inconsequential.

Bella made some flip remark about Steinbeck hoping to get a chuckle at least. He just looked more confused. _"Uh oh, this one's not too bright – shame,"_ Bella sighed internally and walked past him without bothering to answer just as he asked her about Rosalie

"I'm Edward, by the way. I'm new here. You're Rosalie, right?"

She glared back at him, but then it clicked. He didn't ask her about Rosalie, he called her Rosalie. "What the fuck?" She laughed out loud at the hilarity of it, as if anyone could mistake her for Rosalie. She realised it had been a long time since she'd genuinely laughed – her throat felt hoarse, but it also felt good. She felt lighter. As she passed Jas in the hallway, he quirked his eyebrow at her. She just shook her head and laughed harder.

**EPOV**

Edward pushed the button on the keys his father had just handed him and grimaced as the bright shiny Volvo in front of him beeped ostentatiously. As if moving to a new school in a small town in the middle of the semester wasn't bad enough, Edward and his sister had to turn up in what appeared to be the newest car in Forks – aside from his father's Mercedes.

Trying to paste what he hoped looked like a sincere smile onto his face, Edward turned to his father Carlisle. "Dad, thanks so much. You really shouldn't have. I mean the other car still runs just fine and it's not like the schools even that far away. "

Edward's objections to the extravagant gift his parents had just given him were cut short as his younger sister Alice came running out of the house squealing with excitement, "Oh my God, Edward. Isn't it pretty? You're so lucky, you _have_ to drive me everywhere!" She wrenched the passenger door open and leapt inside, inhaling deeply. "I love the smell of new cars. It's so much better than the lingering smell of junk food and boy in your old car!"

"Not to mention how much safer it is, Alice. After all, that is the point of the new car for both of you," Carlisle gently chided his daughter, but like everyone else, he couldn't maintain any semblance of authority when dealing with Alice. For as long as anyone could remember, her boundless enthusiasm and pixie - like features enabled her to wrap everyone she met around her little finger.

"I know that Dad, but it doesn't mean I can't appreciate all the little things as well," Alice trailed off as she continued to look over every detail of the car, until her eyes alighted on the iPod dock. "Such as no more local radio!" she exclaimed as she pulled her iPod out of her bag and plugged it in. "Come on Edward, let's go!"

Edward took one final glance back at his rusting old car thinking of summer road trips with his old friends, the windows down and the music blaring. Glancing up at the gloomy sky above him, Edward thanked his father once again and prepared for his first day at Forks High.

Pulling into the parking lot was even worse than he expected. It felt like every single person had turned to stare at the new car and, more importantly, the new students inside. Alice thrummed with excitement; she loved being the centre of attention and made friends easily everywhere she went. She couldn't wait to start the day. Trying to work out how many days until graduation and then college, Edward sighed and turned off the ignition looking out the windshield at the squat grey institution.

"Come on Edward. It won't be that bad. Stop counting down the minutes until you can make your escape and just try to enjoy it here." Edward glanced at his sister out of the corner of his eye raising an eyebrow in a silent question. How was it that she always seemed to know exactly what he was thinking? "You never know, there might even be some cool people here - maybe even a girl?" Edward's only response this time was to roll his eyes as he opened the car door.

Never having been much of a morning person, Edward stretched his arms languidly above his head to try to wake himself up before heading into the school. He couldn't help but notice the group of giggling girls behind him, or the way everyone seemed to momentarily stop what they were doing to watch him. He didn't think he'd ever get used to that reaction.

Edward wasn't completely unaware of the many people that seemed to find him attractive. He came from a good looking family. All of his life, people made comments, and girls stared, but Edward just got on with things. When he looked in the mirror, all he saw was too pale skin, bright green eyes, and an unruly mop of bronze hair that he could never control. He just didn't see what the big deal was. He tried to stay in shape, and the growth spurt before his sophomore year, taking him up to six foot two, probably explained some of it. But Edward was never completely comfortable with the attention.

Luckily, being Alice's brother, he usually didn't have to put up with it for long. Alice was noticeable no matter what, with her diminutive stature and huge personality. The fact that she was also beautiful didn't hurt either. Edward knew how people viewed his sister, with the same pale colouring, hazel green eyes, and her dark hair always stylishly cut. Alice was often the envy of other girls she met, and Edward always felt protective of her, whether she needed it or not.

As she jumped out of the car, the eyes watching him, whipped to her; and although she appeared to be oblivious to the crowd of people standing around the parking lot, the slight raise of her eyebrows told Edward otherwise. He scowled as she made a show of skipping around the car to stand in front of him smiling brightly.

"Ready, brother dearest?" she asked innocently, but Edward recognised the glint in her eyes. He shrugged his shoulders and pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. It wasn't going to get any better than this, so he might as well get it over with. Alice linked her arm through his and practically dragged him toward the office, and smiled at everyone they passed.

Armed with new class schedules, locker combinations and a completely useless map of the ridiculously small school, Edward and Alice followed a quiet guy named Ben into the quad.

"So, this is where most people hang out on their free periods or at lunch as long as it isn't raining!" Laughing sheepishly, Ben raised his eyes as the first drops began to fall. "Which isn't very often, you might have noticed." Edward looked around as the people gathered started to head inside. As the rain got slightly heavier, his eyes drifted around the now practically empty space, stopping on a lone figure leaning against a wall out of sight of the classrooms.

She didn't seem bothered by the rain. Dressed in dark skinny jeans, high tops, and an almost transparent white wifebeater under her hoody, she didn't actually seem bothered by anything. Her long dark hair was tousled and knotty, as if she couldn't be bothered to brush it. Her large chocolate coloured eyes were covered in dark smoky eye makeup, and she was chewing on her full red lips as she raised her cigarette up for a slow drag.

Edward knew he was staring, but he couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from her. He was almost certain she didn't realise anyone was still standing in the rain with her. Gazing unseeingly into the space before her, she looked lost – but like she wanted to be.

"Edward!" Alice's voice jolted him back to the here and now, and he turned to look at his sister when he realised that a bell was sounding,. "We have to get to class. What are you doing?" He looked back to the figure, but she was gone.

"Nothing, just day dreaming. What class do we have again?"

The morning passed, not slowly and torturously, but not quickly either. It just passed. Edward went to his classes, made the notes that were required, answered the questions directed at him and tried to be polite to a seemingly endless amount of girls; but for some reason he couldn't focus.

He didn't want to think that it could be because of the dark haired girl. He wasn't the sort of guy to get so easily distracted, especially by someone he had never even spoken to, but every time his mind slipped away it was to images of beautiful dark eyes and riotous hair.

Edward didn't actually see her again until lunchtime. Meeting up with Alice to walk to the lunchroom, they casually discussed their day and the people they met. Of course Alice had been invited to sit with a group of people. They may have been the "popular" crowd, but in a school this small it was hard to tell if there even _was_ a "popular" crowd. Edward tagged along either way.

Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Mike, Eric, Angela – were those the right names? Hopefully. Alice seemed happy enough, and that was the main thing.

As much as he hated to admit it, it was good to be around a group of people again; although he loved his sister, a whole summer of no company but her was starting to drive him crazy. Chatting with these guys was easy enough, full of the usual frivolous high school conversation, everyone feeling each other out. The blonde, Lauren, seemed particularly vapid and she kept touching him, but other than that, it was comfortable enough.

Without realising he was doing it, Edward caught himself scanning the room for the dark haired girl. He was just about to give up, when she walked through the doorway. She looked just as lost as before until a small group of people walked up behind her - her face breaking into a smirk as she turned to the girl beside her.

The blond girl was stunning, there was no doubt about it, and to most people she would be the most beautiful girl in the room, but her blue eyes seemed calculating as they searched the room before finally settling on Edward. She smiled, but it was without warmth, and it didn't seem like it was for him.

Edward moved his gaze to the two guys behind them. One was huge with short dark hair, grinning as his hand reached out to the blonde girl. The other, tall and lean with dirty blond hair, placed his arm casually on the dark haired girl's shoulder and smiled cockily. As he watched them walk toward one of the corner tables, Edward's eyes narrowed.

Turning back to the table, he noticed Tyler smiling knowingly across at him. Realising he had been caught, Edward decided to be upfront.

"Who's that?" he asked quirking his head in the direction of the small group. Everyone turned to look, the girls exchanging quick glances and the guys smirking.

"Ah, so you noticed her right away then - what a surprise. That is Rosalie Hale." Tyler replied. Rosalie; it was a beautiful name, but it didn't feel quite right. She didn't look like a Rosalie. Edward just nodded his head and went back to his lunch, trying not to stare at the girl anymore.

English had always been a favourite class of Edwards, and walking into his new English class, he knew that this wasn't likely to change. She was sitting in the row of desks by the window, with an open seat next to her. Edward made his way across the room, hoping that she would look up giving him the chance to get another look at those huge chocolate coloured eyes. She didn't.

He watched as she pulled a battered copy of _Naked Lunch_ out of her bag and proceeded to ignore everything going on around her. As the class discussed Modern American Literature – Steinbeck, Faulkner, Hemingway - she remained absorbed in her book and slipped an ear bud into her ear. Edward could hear the tinny echoes of her music and could see her lips mouthing along with the unknown lyrics. When the bell rang, she stood up slowly. Putting her book away, she turned just as he stood from his seat.

"How are you enjoying the book?" Edward blurted, realising too late how obvious it would make it that he had been watching her.

Her eyes met his and widened for only a fraction of a second before she controlled her expression.

"What's not to like about _Of Mice & Men_?" she asked dryly before starting to move past him.

"Right." Edward drew the word out as he processed her reply. She hadn't realised he meant _her_ book, rather than the assigned reading.

_Well that went well._

Edward felt like an ass. He couldn't figure out what was so funny about asking her name. For a second he'd thought she was angry, and maybe that would have been better. Not that he was egotistical about, well, anything, but girls didn't normally laugh when he talked to them – giggling was the normal response, followed by flirting. He wasn't particularly fond of either one, but that's just the way it was.

As English had been his last class of the day, Edward went to meet Alice at the car. Shaking his head as he strolled into the hallway, Edward walked straight into the blonde guy from the lunchroom. From his stereotypical rebel without a cause appearance, Edward was expecting some kind of attitude.

Instead all he received was an unbelievably laid back, "Sorry man, you alright there?" The remnants of a Southern accent caught Edward off guard.

"Sorry, yeah. Completely my fault. I was in another world for a minute there."

"Not a problem. My best friend's exactly the same - always walking into something. I'm Jasper. Good to meet you." Jasper held out his hand and Edward took it firmly in his own.

"Edward Cullen – same here." They nodded amicably toward each other and went their separate ways.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks again to the wonderful people over at PTB - they're helping me make all of these chapters legible! This is a short one, but sometimes that's just how they go.**

**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

Bella laughed all the way to the parking lot. Just to laugh made her feel good for once. Her phone beeped letting her know she had a text message from Rose.

Bell End, hanging tonight? I'm bored.

Bella let out another laugh at the use of Rose's personal nickname for her. Normally, it kind of annoyed her, but right now, it just made her glad that Rose even _had_ a nickname for her.

**Just cos ur bored? Tempting, but no. 2moro? **

Climbing into her truck, Bella felt the melancholy she'd been fighting off all day start to sink in. She picked up her phone and scrolled through the contacts. There were two ways that this could go. She picked a number and pressed call. The phone rang three times.

"Bells! What's up? It's been a while."

"Hey Jake, you busy? Fancy a movie tonight at my place?" He sighed long, hard and overly dramatic.

"Sure Bells, I'll be there around 7." She hung up without saying another word.

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The house was empty as usual when she got home. Bella wandered aimlessly around the house for a while, listening to the echoes of her own breaths and watching the dust she displaced settle on new surfaces. She did her homework, smoked a couple of cigarettes, and picked at her nails for a while. Again her mind drifted; she could never keep it away for long.

_Bella had been coming to stay with her father in Forks during the summers for as long as she could remember. Her mother was always glad to get rid of her for a couple of months, and Bella spent every summer hanging out on the reservation near the small town. While her father went fishing or worked, Bella became a member of the family on the reservation. While she was a little girl, the women on the reservation always made sure she had something to eat, took a bath once in a while after playing with the boys on First Beach, and gave her somewhere to sleep when her dad worked late. _

_Her Rez brothers were the best friends she could ever have. Jacob, Embry, Jared, Quil and even Paul looked out for her and let her join in on everything they did; even if she was just a girl._

_As she got older, she had the best big sister in the world. Leah Clearwater let Bella follow her everywhere. Despite the four year age gap, she never made Bella feel like an inconvenience, but more like a friend. It was with Leah that Bella got her first taste of Rez moonshine when she was 11. It was Leah who talked to her about boys and took her to the clinic so she could go on the pill when she was 14. It was Leah who taught her to roll her first joint in her last summer on the Rez before Leah left for college. _

_Bella never felt safer than she did when she was down at La Push. There was always someone there to look out for her, no matter what kind of trouble she got into, and it usually wasn't much. Leah was cool, but she wasn't stupid. She never let Bella get into anything she couldn't handle._

_Back in Phoenix, it was a different story. Her mother, Renee, paraded a different guy through the house every month, and acted like Bella was an embarrassment. At school Bella, was a nobody. She was shy and awkward and knew that she was too plain to get any attention. She was probably a little too smart for her own good. School always came easily, but she never said anything, and she never let anyone know just how easy it was. Who would she tell anyway? _

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_Halfway through her freshman year, her mother decided to leave. Not just Phoenix, but Bella. _

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_The decision was made without her input, and at first she didn't really mind. True, this was the house she'd always lived in, and true these were the friends that she'd known since pre-school. But what did that even mean? She'd always felt more at home on the Rez, anyway. She was almost excited. _

_Almost. Her expectations soon came crashing down. Forks High would be her new school. She didn't know anybody. Her first weekend home she went to the Rez. The boys she'd grown up with and called her brothers had turned into typical teenage boys, leering and annoying. During the years she'd spent with Leah, things had changed. _

_Leah. She wasn't even there. She emailed Bella to let her know she wasn't coming home for the summer. She'd met a guy, got a job and an apartment. She was 19 and living her own life. Bella had never felt more alone. _

The knock at the door forced Bella out of her memories. Jacob came in without waiting for an answer. W hen he spotted her on the couch, his whole face lit up. He thought she didn't know, but sometimes, when she really thought about it, how could she not know.

"Hey, Jake."

"Bells, I feel honoured. You've graced me with your presence." He flopped down onto the couch beside her, his long legs sprawling across her lap. She acted as though she was irritated and made to push him off. When he refused to move she gave in, crossing her arms and sticking her lip out like a petulant kid, but inside she felt at peace. Like she was actually home.

Hours later, Bella lay in bed staring at the plastic glow in the dark stars on the ceiling she'd put up as a kid. Thinking about the way that Jake's hugs only lasted a little too long. About the fact that her Dad finally came home, only to tell her he would be working late most nights during that week. About that fact he was going fishing that weekend, again.

She didn't know why she was putting it off; she knew she'd end up making the same decision. Pulling out her phone she wrote.

R, we're on 4 this wkend, Friday. Spread the word!

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"So Friday night, you want me to invite the newbies?" Rose eyed the new siblings across the parking lot from the bed of Bella's truck before class. Bella watched only Edward, trying not to imagine the smell of mint leaves and green eyes. "Have either of you actually talked to them yet?"

Bella and Jasper glanced at each other.

"The guy tried to talk to me after class yesterday," Bella trailed off uncomfortably as both Jas and Rose watched her expectantly.

"Tried?" Rose pushed, "What does that mean?"

"It means he asked me some lame question about English, and then called me Rosalie. I think you have another fan!" Bella tried to brush off the experience as she normally would, by deflecting it onto someone else. Talking about Edward made her feel awkward, and she had no idea why.

"He called you Rosalie? That's weird. Why would he think your name was Rosalie? If he was interested in me, he could at least figure out what my name is." Rose looked barely interested in the conversation by this point. Too busy in assessing a chip in her nail to notice the penetrating look her brother was giving Bella.

"After last period, right? That's when he tried talking to you, huh?" Jasper asked thoughtfully. Bella nodded vaguely like it was no big deal. "Hmmm, you seemed in a pretty good mood about it. _Unlike_ him."

Bella's eyes snapped up to meet Jasper's. As if he had been anticipating her reaction, he smiled slowly while she tried to conceal the brief flicker of interest she'd shown.

"So you talked to him too?" Rose seemed to decide the chip wasn't worth worrying about and resumed her part in the conversation. "Should we invite them?"

"Yeah, he seems alright. Guess we'll see on Friday, eh Bells?" Jasper looked over at Bella questioningly, but she merely shrugged her shoulders.

"Whatever."

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At lunchtime, Bella struggled not to look over at Mike Newton's table. Edward sat with his back to her, and Mike kept trying to catch her eye, so there was really no reason to look. But when the conversation turned to him and his sister, it became even harder.

"He is pretty cute, though. I thought Lauren and Jessica were exaggerating yesterday, but looks like they were telling the truth." Rosalie was never one to bestow a compliment, and this was about as high as her praise ever got.

"Ah, babe. What do you need to check out other guys for when you have me?" Emmett went to grab Rosalie around the waist and she swatted away his hand like a fly.

"What do you think of her? What's her name again….Alice?"

"Yeah, that's right. I've heard she's nice. Like, really nice. Like, nice isn't a big enough word for how _nice _she is." Even Bella wasn't sure if she was mocking the new girl or not. It was getting harder and harder to judge even her own level of sincerity.

"She's practically a midget!" Emmett barked. "You've got nothing to worry about baby, she couldn't handle me!" Emmett looked over at his girlfriend, sitting up straighter as if he was expecting her to be grateful, like an eager puppy awaiting his reward. Really, he should have known better.

"That's great, Em. Thanks for the reassurance." She rolled her eyes. "Okay, enough with the judgement. I'm going to talk to them. Anyone coming?" As usual, she rose from the table without waiting for an answer, and began to walk away.

"What do you think, Bells? Feel like chatting today?" As Jasper waited Bella responded by grabbing his hand tightly and following Rosalie across the room.

**EPOV**

All day, all anyone could talk about was a party that weekend at some girl called Bella's house. Alice and Edward were assured that they were invited, even though neither of them had met the girl. Sitting in the lunch room, his new acquaintances carried on with the same topic

"Bella's parties are always awesome!" Mike enthused loudly.

"How would you know, Mike? You can't even remember the last one, you were so wasted! But he's right. Bella does throw a great party, and they never get busted." Jessica smiled at Edward. "You should definitely come."

"We'd love to." Alice was already excited, and even Edward couldn't deny that the idea of blowing off some steam sounded great.

"Don't you think we should wait to meet her first, Alice?" Edward tried to reign in his sister's eagerness, as usual.

"Looks like you won't have to wait long. She's heading over here now." Lauren turned back to the rest of the table and rolled her eyes. Mike sat up a little straighter in his chair and looked over Edward's shoulder.

Edward turned around to see the beautiful blond girl walking towards their table. Even he could appreciate how gorgeous she was. Her hips and long wavy hair swayed as she crossed the room and Tyler actually groaned. He wasn't surprised that she was the one throwing the party; she looked like the social queen of the school. The rest of the cafeteria even quietened down at her approach to their table.

"Hi," she stopped in front of Alice and Edward, glancing from one to the other as though she was appraising their worth. "I'm Rosalie Hale".

As Alice introduced herself and her brother, Edward's mind clicked._ Shit, Tyler had thought he was staring at the blond, which means her name isn't Ros-. _His eyes snapped to the dark haired girl approaching behind Rosalie, holding Jasper's hand and gazing around the room disinterestedly.

"Hey, man. See you met my sister." Jasper greeted while bumping Rosalie's shoulder with his own.

"Yeah, I guess so. Have you met mine? Alice, this is Jasper." Edward turned to look at his sister and was shocked to see her shyly looking down at her feet. It was a first for Alice to be shy about anything. He quickly turned his gaze back to the dark haired girl next to Jasper, waiting for her to look back at him.

"So, anyway," Rosalie interrupted, "we just wanted to invite you to Bella's party on Friday. It'll give you a chance to get to know everyone in Forks." She didn't smile, and she didn't seem particularly pleased to be inviting them, but Alice gratefully accepted.

"That would be great! That must make you Bella, right?" Alice looked to the dark haired girl, as Bella dropped Jasper's hand and stared at her nails with indifference. Edward noticed they were scuffed and raw.

"I guess it would," she sighed, not even bothering to looking at Alice. She brought her eyes directly to Edward's for a brief second before looking back around the room. He could see her leg shaking as she fidgeted, and her teeth pulling on her lower lip.

"Well, thanks for inviting us. That's really nice of you," Alice continued, attempting in vain to engage Bella in further conversation.

"Not a problem." Bella replied as she looked up at Jasper. Seeing her beside him made Edward realise just how tiny she was. Nearly as small as Alice, but with slight curves in all the right places, obvious even underneath her zipped hoody and ancient, ripped band t-shirt. Jasper seemed to read something in Bella's glance and nodded.

"Rose, Bella and me are heading out now –"

"Already?" She huffed, "Fine. Where's Emmett?" Bella looked at Rosalie and scoffed for a second.

"He's probably checking to make sure his balls haven't shrunk too much before he gets his next order of roids in. You know there's a big game this weekend right, Rosalie?" Jasper smirked and shook his head at Bella's comment, as she turned and walked away from the group slowly.

Rosalie opened her mouth quickly, as if to respond, but just laughed softly.

"Nice to meet you, Alice." Jasper turned back and winked. _He actually winked, who does this fucker think he is?"_ Amused by the move, Edward chanced a look at Alice expecting her to be unimpressed. Instead he saw her smiling coyly back at Jasper.

Rosalie turned to strut back across the room, and without a backwards glance she called, "See you Friday, losers."

As they left, Lauren leaned in to whisper to Jessica, but it wasn't quite quiet enough.

"She's such a bitch. She totally ignored us – and did you see what she was wearing?" Edward listened without surprise as the catty comments started. From what he could tell, it seemed like Rosalie was probably used to it.

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Edward waited for Bella to enter their last period English class, so that he could say hello directly and apologise for his mistake. He was sure that she would be more approachable if he managed to actually get her name right.

After the bell rang, he looked towards the door. Moments later she walked into the room and took her seat without so much as a glance in his direction. She hesitated slightly, and Edward thought she might turn towards him. But she just reached into her bag, removing her iPod and book and settling into her seat.

**So, hopefully should be getting all the chapters beta'd soon, stick with me! Leave me a review if you want.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**EPOV**

Despite the fact that Bella still hadn't acknowledged his presence, Edward couldn't get her off his mind. He looked for her in the parking lot every morning, hoped to catch a glimpse of her in the Quad, and stared unashamedly at her throughout English for the rest of the week.

He didn't think he'd seen her smile once. There had been smirks and grins that didn't quite reach her eyes, but he wasn't convinced. The light just wasn't there. But there was something about her; he just wasn't sure if it he should be intrigued or wary.

"I think I'm going to like it here, Edward. The people seem nice, don't you think?"

"Hm."

"Are you even listening to me?" From across the sofa Alice jabbed Edward in the side with her foot.

"Hey! Of course I'm listening to you, yeah - nice people." Edward's tone drifted as he pictured Bella's smoky eyes widening, and Alice's expression changed from one of annoyance to curiosity.

"So," she sang, moving closer to him. "Nice people indeed. Anyone in particular, Edward? Anyone strike your fancy?" She continued poking him, now with her finger, as she spoke each syllable.

"No, Alice. No one in particular, just everyone was very - welcoming." He struggled to find an appropriately vague word. Edward hated talking with Alice about girls he liked and really didn't want her to think he had a thing for Bella. He wasn't even sure if he liked her yet. She was definitely beautiful and he was fascinated by her. But she also seemed like she was taken, and she might be more trouble than she was worth.

For a second, Alice looked like she wanted to pursue the subject, but then thought better of it.

"So, are we still going to Bella's party on Friday?" At her innocent question, Edward choked on his soda. It really was like she could read his mind. As Alice tried not to laugh at his coughing fit, he was sure she could see straight through him.

"You okay there?" she asked while covering her mouth with her hand. He finally recovered and turned to face her.

"Sure, wrong pipe," he explained as he slapped his chest lightly. "Um, yeah. Bella's party? I don't think I'm gonna go." Alice's expression fell immediately.

"Why not?"

"I, uh, I don't think she likes me." He shrugged. Realising how shitty that thought made him feel, Edward slumped back against the sofa. "I tried talking to her a couple of times, but she just blanked me."

"Huh. Well that doesn't mean anything, maybe she's having a bad week, or she's shy?" Edward ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Yeah, maybe. Okay I'll go with you." Alice squealed and clapped her hands quickly.

"Oh my God, what am I going to wear?"

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On Friday morning Edward walked into the locker room actually looking forward to gym. Some mindless activity sounded like a great idea, and he needed to clear his head. Seriously, it shouldn't be this hard to stop thinking about a girl he'd only spoken to once.

He was soon distracted by the conversation around him, and he couldn't help but find the typical locker room talk ironic.

"So, do you think she'll be on form tonight?" Tyler asked while he tied his sneakers.

"Fuck I hope so. I've been aching to get a piece of that since the bonfire." The group of guys sniggered.

"We know. You haven't talked about anything else since! But honestly man, I don't think you could handle that shit anyway." Tyler straightened up and glanced at Mike, his tone full of derision. "I mean, once you've had Crowley, why would you want anything else?"

"Yeah, 'cause I'm sure you're the fucking pinnacle of her extensive experience." Even Eric Yorkie was getting in on the conversation now, and although it was none of his business, Edward was pretty sure the guy didn't know his asshole from his elbow when it came to sex.

They carried on talking shit about some girl. It seemed like everyone had a story or wanted one, but when the door to the locker room opened suddenly, it all stopped. Sure that is was the coach, Edward looked up. He was surprised to see Jasper standing in the doorway, fists clenching and the muscle in his jaw working as he stared across the room.

From the obvious anger radiating from his stance, Edward guessed that the girl they were discussing was Rosalie. He knew he'd definitely be pissed if he heard anyone talking about Alice that way. He watched as Jasper took a number of deep breaths before turning to leave the locker room – obviously deciding that ditching was a better option than a suspension for beating the shit out of Mike Newton.

"I fucking hope that cock blocker Hale isn't there tonight," Mike muttered under his breath.

"You know he will be." As the group bustled out the door and onto the field, it occurred to Edward that this party might be more interesting than he had thought.

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Forty-five minutes later, Edward felt refreshed and clear-headed for the first time in a week – running always had that effect on him. It allowed him to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, as if there was nothing else in the world. As he passed the Quad, he noticed Jasper pacing back and forth, his mood still evident from the way his shoulders were hunched and tense. Despite the obvious attitude that he put off and the bad boy reputation, , Jasper seemed like a decent guy. Edward walked across the empty space toward him.

"Hey man, you ok?" Jasper stopped his pacing abruptly and turned in Edward's direction. The flash of anger left his eyes as he realised who had spoken and his expression turned into a frown rather than the angry scowl of a moment before.

"Yeah, I guess. Just sick of this place. It's like walking around Retard-ville in there." Gesturing back toward the school, Jasper laughed humourlessly. "People are so quick to judge, but even quicker to take advantage." Jasper's frankness surprised Edward who expected a simple 'I'm fine'. He got the feeling that Jasper normally wasn't this forthright . So he just let him talk.

"I mean, they don't even know her. They'd all give their left nut to get with her, but come Monday, it's another story. She deserves so much better." Jasper stopped to lean his head against the brick wall and sighed deeply. He shook his head and glanced back at Edward. When he spoke again, his usual relaxed drawl was back in place. "Fuck, listen to me whining like a bitch! She never says a word, and I get all bent out of shape." Edward quirked his eyebrow in surprise.

"No offense man, but your sister doesn't really seem like the suffer-in-silence type. If she doesn't say anything, maybe she doesn't care?" It might have been tactless, but if any girl could defend herself against those guys, it would be Rosalie Hale.

"My sister? What's she got to do with anything?"

"I didn't mean anything by it, it's just that she seems like she can handle herself and wouldn't take their crap." Edward back-pedalled as Jasper tried not to smile.

"Well you're right. If they'd been talking about Rosalie, I wouldn't be so bothered. She learned a long time ago how to deal with shit like that, and if she didn't feel like kicking their asses herself, Emmett would." He paused briefly as though considering whether to finish. "Bella though, that's another story."

Edward felt his stomach clench as Jasper said her name, and a wave of irritation swept over him as he thought back to the comments he'd heard earlier - comments about Bella.

"Bella?" he questioned, still not wanting to believe they were talking about the same girl he'd been fixated on all week. As Jasper watched his expression carefully, Edward tried to tone down his interest. "I don't think I've even seen her talk to those guys, doesn't seem like her style."

"No," Jasper returned laconically. "It doesn't. But remember Edward, what you see isn't always what you get." Edward struggled to figure out if that was supposed to be a warning about Bella or a defense of her. "Anyway, I think I'm gonna head out. See you tonight yeah?"

"Yeah, I'll see you there." Edward made his way toward English class feeling more confused than ever.

As he entered the classroom, Edward's eyes went immediately to Bella's seat. He was surprised to actually see her sitting there before him for once, bent over a piece of paper and writing furiously. As he sat down, her head tilted towards him infinitesimally, but she didn't turn to look at him. She hadn't looked at him directly all week, but even after his conversation with Jasper, Edward still found himself wanting to see her eyes again.

"Okay class. It's Friday, so let's have your essays please." Mr. Tate's voice broke Edward from his reverie. As he reached to pull the assignment from his bag, he heard Bella curse indistinctly under her breath, her hand moving even faster across the paper. After collecting all of the papers, Mr. Tate stopped in front of Bella's desk. She continued to write as though unaware that he was waiting.

"Bella. Bella? I need your assignment now." As Bella finally lifted her head and handed him the crumpled and stained pieces of paper, Edward thought he could see the remains of a spilled soda. Mr. Tate held the paper gingerly between his fingers and scanned the writing.

His mouth opened for a second as if to reprove Bella, but as he continued reading, but he merely shook his head and chuckled softly as he continued to read her paper. He met her eyes for just a second before turning back to the class. As he began the lesson, Bella pulled her iPod and book from her bag with a relieved expression on her face. Although no one else seemed to have noticed the exchange, Edward couldn't look away.

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"So it sounds like everyone at school's going to be at this party! I can't wait. Do you think -" Alice stopped in her tracks as she looked down at Edward, her eyes scanning over his body as he lay on his bed reading.

"What?"

"You're not wearing that are you?" She looked distastefully at him, and he followed her eyes down to the rip in his jeans just below his crotch.

"I guess not." Rising to change his jeans, Edward turned to look at his sister as she preened in front of the mirror. "But Alice, it's not like we're going to a club in Seattle for God's sake!" Alice looked like she'd spent the better part of the afternoon perfecting her outfit. The oversized knitted sweater she was wearing as a dress was hanging off one shoulder, the loose weave showing glimpses of skin everywhere. Paired with her thigh high boots, it was casually sexy. Edward thought she was completely overdressed for a house party in Forks and completely underdressed for the guys of Forks High.

"It's important to make a good impression, Edward. You know you might even want to think about showering before we go!"

"Very funny. I have showered thanks," Edward called as he headed into the bathroom to change. After spending five minutes trying to do something with his hair, he ended up running his hands through it over and over while Alice babbled on excitedly in his room.

"Okay Alice." Edward glanced at his watch as he entered the room. "I think we're fashionably late enough for you to make an entrance. Ready?" She gave him a quick once over and shrugged as she left the room.

Bella's house definitely wasn't the largest in Forks, and it looked a little worse for wear, but it was pretty secluded. Judging by the amount of cars parked outside and the noise coming from inside, it was popular too.

There didn't seem to be much point in knocking. As they wouldn't be heard over the music, Edward and Alice walked straight in and looked around the small but homey living room. At only nine-thirty, it was already crowded. People sat anywhere there was space, and leaned against walls where they wasn't any. Alice spotted their usual lunchroom group on the sofa and made her way over.

"Angela!" she shrieked as the tall, willowy girl stood to hug the tiny elfin one.

"Wow, Alice. You look amazing!" Angela stated. As the guys eyed Alice appreciatively, Edward couldn't help but think back to the conversation he'd overheard earlier.

"Edward, I'm so glad you came!" Jessica jumped up to greet Edward, launching herself at him.

Edward thought she seemed nice enough, a little insipid and a little too willing to follow along behind Lauren, but okay all the same. Hugging her back half heartedly, he nodded his greetings to the rest of the group.

"There's drinks in the kitchen. Feel free to help yourself, man." Tyler nodded his head to the kitchen behind him, and Edward made his way through the room to pick up some drinks. He stopped in the doorway of the minuscule kitchen and surveyed the scene. Ice and beers filled the sink and a couple of buckets on the floor, and a multitude of spirits and mixers covered the table. Your standard house party set up. Grabbing a beer for himself and a soda for Alice, he glanced out the window and briefly into the back yard.

Beyond the groups of people scattered disparately throughout the yard, his eyes - as they always seemed to be - were drawn to Bella. He watched for a moment as Jasper pushed her on an old swing hanging along the back fence. She stopped the motion and stood slowly to face him before her head dropped down. Edward watched as Jasper's hand reached out to cup her chin, tilting her face up to his before he hastily turned away. He didn't want to see any more, the display seemed far too intimate.

A while later, Edward found himself nursing beer after beer and developing a slight buzz while sandwiched in between Jessica and Lauren on the couch. He glanced over to the door just as Bella entered the room. Her hoody and high tops were in place, as usual, but they were coupled with a simple, tight-fitting, t-shirt dress. Edward found himself staring at her bare legs and wondering how someone so tiny could have such long graceful limbs. With her hood up over her untamed hair, and her hands stuffed into her pockets, she looked raw but irrepressibly beautiful. She scanned the room slowly and eventually met his eyes with her own. He watched as they widened almost imperceptibly before she dipped her head quickly. He willed her silently to look up at him again - he was sick of her hiding. Just as she seemed about to peek out at him from beneath her lowered lashes, Alice called out loudly.

"Bella!" Her head rose fully as Alice hopped across the room towards her. Edward's mouth dropped open as he noticed the small sceptical smile that crossed her face before she was enveloped in a hug – from _his_ sister.

Alice had never so much as mentioned that she knew Bella.

**BPOV **

_Well this is new._

Bella tried to hug Alice back, but it felt awkward and stiff. She was never particularly good at this kind of thing. She valued her personal space and found it difficult to make friends. It was always hard for people to get to know her properly. They thought she was arrogant or rude, and while she could admit that her humour was acerbic, she never meant anything by it.

But Alice was different; she seemed determined to be her friend. Bella just wished she knew why.

"Hi Alice." Bella extracted herself from the embrace and looked everywhere but into Alice's eyes. She was nowhere near drunk enough for this. "So." She drew out the word. "You made it then?"

"Yeah, thanks so much for inviting us." At the brief mention of "us", Bella glanced surreptitiously over at Edward. Unsurprisingly he was surrounded by the bitch brigade. Lauren was draped all over him while Jessica prattled in his ear.

She could just imagine the topics; clothes, hair, boys_. Can you say cliché? Who am I kidding.__ I doubt Jessica can even pronounce cliché! _She definitely wasn't drunk enough to watch that.

"It's such a great party!"

Bella rolled her eyes at Alice's enthusiasm and looked at her pointedly.

"No, it isn't," Bella replied tersely as she lifted her bottle of Stoli up to wave it in front of Alice's face. "But it could be."

She was surprised when Alice followed her to her usual spot by the window and made herself comfortable. She was even more surprised when Rose walked over with, what Bella recognised as, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Okay girls, lets get fucked up!" As Alice attempted to argue, Rose shot her down with a look. "Emmett can drive us all home little Alice – if we don't stay here, that is." Bella glared at Rose. She hated having people stay at her house with the exception of Jasper, Rose and occasionally Emmett. Rose knew that.

"Um, okay." Alice seemed unsure. "I mean, if that's okay with you, Bella? I mean, Edward would have to stay too?" Dropping the glare, Bella nodded her head quickly at Alice.

"No, it's fine. It's really not a problem." She turned to see Rosalie smirking at her and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Instead of answering her, Rose poured three large drinks and raised her glass.

"Cheers." Bella and Alice echoed the toast, and all three downed them in one.

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Bella had that slightly dizzy feeling that she loved; it made her feel confident and warm all over. Alice and Rose seemed to be getting along great, which was bizarre as Rose hated pretty much everyone and intimidated everybody.

Her eyes seemed to move around the room on their own and kept coming to a stop on Edward. She'd been trying to stop herself from looking at him all week, but she couldn't quite remember why anymore as her eyes roamed over him.

Now that she was staring at him unabashedly, Bella was enthralled.

As he stood against the wall, Bella noticed that Edward was tall and lean. He kept running his hands through his hair over and over in an almost nervous habit, and every time he did, his t-shirt rode up slightly, revealing tantalizing sections of skin. His hair still looked as soft as that first day, and the urge to run her fingers through it was getting stronger as the night wore on. It was messy and stuck up everywhere like he didn't give a damn how it looked. Bella loved it. It made him look like he'd just rolled out of a very enjoyable night in bed.

Every now and then, he'd catch her staring, and she would almost lose herself in his eyes as they stared back into her own. Not quite as bright as emeralds but deeper like jade, they were unbelievably beautiful. Then he would smile at her crookedly, and it somehow managed to be both the most adorable and sexiest thing she'd ever seen.

She held her hand out to Rose for the bottle and topped off her drink, just a couple more and she'd go and talk to him. She always needed something to make her feel a little more confident, even if she didn't always make the right decisions afterwards.

_The compacted sand was hard beneath her legs, but the fire was almost too warm. Her eyes kept drifting shut as she watched the flames. Wisps of yellows and greens danced together in the fire. No matter how many times she'd seen the effect of driftwood burning, it still took her breath away. _

"_Just one more hit, yeah?" Her speech was slurred already, her arms and legs heavy, but details like that never stopped Bella. _

"_I think you've had enough, don't you?" Sam's eyes sparkled, as he looked down at her, almost black in the darkness of the beach. Bella shook her head widely from side to side. _

"_Nope .If you're asking me, I've never had enough." It was true. When other people reached that tipping point, the moment where they realised that one more drink would be one too many, they tended to stop – most of the time. Bella didn't seem to have a tipping point. She felt herself at the precipice, and somewhere in the dim recesses of her mind, it would occur to her that things were going to get messy if she carried on. But she always went over the edge regardless. _

_Sam seemed to debate internally before handing her the pipe. She inhaled deeply and held both his stare and her breath before exhaling slowly. _

"_I know what I'm doing, Sam," Bella insisted as she leaned toward him and smiled. _

"_I hope so." _

_Bella was fifteen when she lost her virginity to Sam Uley in a tent on first beach. She'd never really regretted it. Fifteen seemed like a pretty respectable age, and she had just wanted to get it out of the way. But even though she was never actually ashamed about how it happened, she was never particularly proud of it either. _

_From what she could remember through the haze of her memories, they had been careful and he had been reasonably gentle. She knew that he didn't care about her, but she was tired of waiting for someone who did. At that moment, it only mattered that he _wanted_ her. What she hadn't considered was how good it felt to actually be wanted for once._

Standing up from her seat by the window, Bella swayed until her shoulder met the wall. Alice and Rose both giggled.

"Easy, Bella. Maybe you should slow down?" Bella vaguely registered Alice's concern as she struggled to right herself.

"She won't." Bella heard Rose sigh behind her as she looked around the room. Her eyes focused just in time to see Lauren Mallory's fake nails gripping Edward's hand tightly as she pulled him into the kitchen.

Bella felt tears prick the back of her eyes. Blinking them back, she continued looking around the living room.

**A/N Thanks again PTB - I'm getting there!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**EPOV**

Lauren Mallory could quite possibly be the most vacuous girl Edward had ever met, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to be polite to her. She'd dragged him out of the party to walk her home – something he wasn't entirely sure he'd agreed to do - and it felt like they'd been walking forever. _Or maybe that was just the conversation_. He scoffed to himself as she started another diatribe on, fuck knows, the outcome of last season's American Idol.

Edward managed to block out her nasal whine pretty successfully. It may have had something to do with the way Bella had been looking at him all night. The image of her hooded eyes and her tongue darting out to lick her red lips had quite an effect on him. He hoped the cold night air might sober him up a bit before he finally talked to her.

Sitting with the sheep of Forks High all night had required more alcohol than he'd expected, and he was well on his way to being shit-faced. He didn't even realise when Lauren stopped talking and pressed her lips to his.

Cold, hard, and sticky with too much gloss, Edward pulled away quickly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Lauren didn't even seem to notice his aversion.

"I'm so glad you came tonight, Edward. Thanks again." She seemed reluctant to let go of his hand, and Edward had to practically wrench it out of her grasp.

"No problem, Lauren. I, uh, I have to get back to Bella - I mean her house - for Alice. So, see ya," Edward mumbled as he backed away from her.

Walking into the darkness, Edward realised he had no idea where he was.

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It took him forty-five minutes to make it back to Bella's house. Only after it dawned on him that Lauren lived on the same street and had simply taken the long way home.

Opening the front door to the now largely deserted house, he saw Alice crashed out on the sofa, her head on Jasper's lap. He gently tried to shake her awake.

"Ali, we gotta go. Party's over."

"No, Edward. Bella said we could stay. I called Mom," she muttered as Edward glanced at Jasper.

"She can't go anywhere man, too much vodka. I'd blame Rose if I were you," he chuckled softly as he wound his finger through Alice's hair.

"You blame me for everything," Rosalie sniped as she walked around the room, tossing empties into a garbage bag. "But Bella did say it was cool."

"Where is she? Should I check first?" Edward asked while peering into the other rooms for a sign of Bella.

"She's in bed, but it won't be a problem. Emmett and I are taking Charlie's room. You guys will have to crash down here." Rosalie dropped the bag on the floor where she stood. "K, I'm heading up now. Night." She waved back down the stairs as Edward dropped himself into an old and battered leather recliner.

"I guess Bella's parents won't be back anytime soon, huh?" Edward tried to dismiss the disappointment he felt at having missed his chance with Bella.

"Not likely." Edward watched as Jasper carefully lifted his sister's head and slid out from underneath her before collapsing into the other armchair. "Her mom bailed on her a couple of years back. She's in Florida now, or maybe it's South Carolina. Anyway, that's when she moved up here to live with her dad. The Chief isn't exactly what you'd call an attentive parent."

"The chief?"

"Charlie Swan, Forks Chief of Police." Edward couldn't help the bark that escaped him.

"Bella's dad is the Chief of Police? And he's okay with all of this?" Gesturing around the room at the collection of empty bottles and overturned furniture, Edward struggled to believe that any police officer would be ok with all the under aged drinking and the drug use that took place in this house.

"He only sees what he wants to see. As long as Bella does okay in school and stays out of his way, she can pretty much do whatever she wants. He's away fishing for the weekend, but he'll act like he doesn't notice anything when he gets back."

Edward sat quietly while Jasper's eyes closed slowly.

"Hey, Jas. You and Bella, you aren't -" Edward realised he didn't quite know how to phrase what he wanted to know. Jasper opened one eye to look at him as he let the unfinished question sit heavily between them.

"Nah, man. Not for a long time. Lets just say we thought about it for like five minutes, then realised we weren't good for each other." His eyes dropped closed again "Doesn't mean I don't love her though."

Considering Jasper's words, Edward felt his own eyelids grow heavy.

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It felt like only minutes later that voices from upstairs stirred him.

"Come on, Bella. I can't walk home now."

"Well, I don't want you here. So can you just go?" Bella's voice was weak, and she sounded exhausted.

"What the fuck, Bella? You practically dragged me up here, and now you're kicking me out in the middle of the night?" Newton, the wheedling voice was Mike Newton. Bella's sigh was audible from the hallway up the stairs.

"Come on, it's not like I forced you. So can you just leave? Now?"

"Fine, but I can't fucking believe this." Mike's tone hardened instantly. "You always put out. Why did you have to turn into a fucking cock tease tonight?" If he didn't stop talking soon, Edward was seriously considering going up there.

"I dunno, Mike. I guess I'm just not in the mood. Sorry." Bella sounded defeated. It was nothing like her attitude at school, where she never seemed to care what anyone thought. And why was she apologising to Mike?

He heard the door close softly as Mike made his way down the stairs, cursing lightly under his breath. He stopped when he saw Edward facing him from the living room.

"Hey, man. Some party, huh?" Grinning smugly at Edward, Mike seemed to instantly forget about his mood from a moment ago.

"Yeah, sounds like you had a great time," Edward retorted dryly. Even Newton had the sense to look a little embarrassed.

"Well, I may not have gotten laid, but I did get the best head of my life!" Mike held his hand out for a fist bump, which Edward disdainfully ignored. Shaking his head, Mike continued.

"Well, I guess I'll see you Monday." He rocked back on his heels before turning to leave the house.

Edward was fuming. But he didn't know whether he wanted to punch Mike Newton in the face or take it out on Bella. What the hell was her game? She was basically eye fucking him all night. He didn't imagine the way she was looking at him, but then she took Mike Newton up to her room. Newton, seriously? He could understand Mike's deal. After all, who wouldn't want her, but why would Bella want him?

Any kind of sleep was totally out of the question now. Knowing she was awake upstairs set his mind racing and all he wanted to do was talk to her.

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"Get up losers!" Edward cracked his eyes open in time to see Alice bolt upright on the sofa her eyes wide. She seemed confused and as though she was struggling to figure out what was going on. Her head turned in the direction of Emmett's booming and ridiculously loud voice.

"Emmett, for fucks sake. Shut up!" Jasper grunted without opening his eyes or moving an inch.

Each stair creaked in protest as Emmett made his way down to the living room, and for the first time, Edward saw him up close. Emmett was huge, dwarfing everything around him. He would have been menacing if it weren't for the huge grin on his face and the dimples in his cheeks. It just didn't seem right for any guy that big to have dimples.

"No way, dude. We're on clean up." Noticing Edward and Alice for the first time, Emmett threw himself down on the sofa next to Alice, making her literally bounce into the air as his weight landed. "I don't think we've been introduced squirt. I'm Emmett." He held out a meaty hand nearly as large as Alice's waist.

"Alice Cullen. Nice to meet you." Grasping his hand confidently, she smiled widely. Alice always took everything in her stride, and was definitely far too awake, at that moment, to be considered normal.

As usual Edward was struggling to form coherent thoughts, let alone sentences, and every muscle in his body seemed to revolt against any type of movement. But he somehow managed to hold out one hand to Emmett and mumble.

"Edward."

"The Cullen's, right. I've heard a lot about you guys this week. The whole school's been talking. But I gotta ask, man. What's up with the Volvo?" Emmett pulled a face. "You get a brand new car, and you choose a _Volvo_?"

"He didn't choose it, Emmett. Mommy and Daddy probably bought it for them. Safest car around, right, Edward?" Rosalie managed to slip down the stairs unnoticed and leered at Edward from the doorway. He couldn't quite get used to Rosalie's super bitch attitude. It seemed like she was joking, but he was never sure.

"Something like that, yeah." Edward turned back to Emmett and shrugged. "But I do feel like kind of a douche driving it around." Everyone laughed at Edward's self-deprecation, and Rosalie actually smiled at him for a moment. Finally opening his eyes, Jasper grinned at him from across the room.

"Just ignore Rosie. She takes a little getting used to."

"Don't call me Rosie." Her tone was low, and it seemed like all traces of humour were gone. Jasper quirked his eyebrow as if to say, "You see?" But Rosalie carried on in a honeyed voice as she walked forward to sit on Emmett's lap, "Only Emmett gets to call me that."

Edward watched Rosalie visible mellow in Emmett's presence, and as he wrapped his arms around her, she momentarily let her guard down.

Alice broke the silence by jumping up off the sofa.

"So, you said something about clean up duty? Where should I start?" Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie quickly became a hive of activity, while Jasper and Edward ambled around the house. As they picked up the odd solitary cup or can in a futile effort to contribute. It was blindingly obvious that neither one was able to function properly yet.

Edward kept glancing towards the stairs and waiting for Bella to make an appearance. He wasn't sure if anyone else knew about Newton's almost sleepover, and he didn't want to show too much of an interest by asking. By the time they finished cleaning, there was still no sign of Bella, but no one else seemed surprised that she hadn't yet come out of her room.

"Thanks for the help, guys." Picking up all of the garbage bags in one hand, Emmett lugged them out of the front door. Leaving the door open as he carried on talking, "So, we're gonna head down to La Push tomorrow for a bit. You wanna tag along?"

"The beach? That sounds great." Alice was her usual enthusiastic self and looked at Edward hopefully

"Sounds good, thanks for the invite." Honestly, he wasn't just agreeing to go because of the doe eyes Alice was turning on him. He really liked Jasper, Emmett seemed cool, and even Rose was beginning to grow on him once he got used to her caustic manner. They were better than Lauren Mallory and Tyler Crowley, and they seemed to come as a package deal with Bella. He was cautiously optimistic that the rest of the year in Forks might not be so bad.

"Sweet. I'll pick you up around 11.00. I'm not sure it's Volvo appropriate down there!"

"Sure, uh -" Alice hesitated by the door with her bag in hand. "Can I go up and say thanks to Bella? Or is she probably feeling a bit delicate?" Rosalie and Jasper exchanged a look before Jasper placed his arm around Alice's shoulder, leading her to the car.

"No need for that. She'll probably be holed up in there all day anyway. But she'll be down at the beach tomorrow."

"Okay." Distracted by Jasper's closeness, Alice seemed to accept his explanation. "See you guys tomorrow."

**BPOV**

Muffled conversation and random noises penetrated Bella's stagnant thoughts. She'd been awake for a least an hour, but she had yet to move. In spite of all the alcohol in her system, this morning's hangover registered as only a minor inconvenience on her personal scale.

She knew she should be helping with the clean up. It wasn't right to expect her friends to clean _her_ house, but she just couldn't force herself to move.

The tacky taste of her own mouth and the sheen of grime coating her skin, made her desperately long for a shower, but the effort involved seemed monumental. Just rolling her eyes to look at the clock on her bedside table, felt like an achievement.

Ten thirty in the morning. The chief would be back in around thirty hours. While Bella seriously considered remaining in her soiled bed for the entire time, the front door slammed, and she heard footsteps on the stairs approaching her room.

Rosalie and Jasper didn't knock, and although she didn't expect them to, she still hated for them to see her like this. Jasper took his usual seat in the rocking chair by the window while Rosalie dragged the blankets from the bed and grimaced.

"What the fuck, Bells. It smells like cheese dick in here. Doesn't Newton ever wash his balls?" Never one to tiptoe around a subject, Rosalie yanked open the window and turned to face Bella.

"I guess not. It didn't taste much better either." Bella didn't recognise her own voice as she spoke. It sounded empty and hollow. Recalling Mike's clumsy hands on her skin and his stale breath in her face, Bella expected to feel thoroughly repulsed, but she felt nothing.

For an instant, she considered whether she should be worried about her complete lack of emotion, but then she gave up on that thought as well.

"Gross, Bella. I thought you had _some_ standards." Rose looked almost disappointed in her, which would have been a first. Rose always accepted every stupid decision she made, even if she didn't approve. It was one of the reasons their friendship worked. Bella's curiosity got the best of her and she dragged herself into a sitting position.

"Since when? You've always derided my taste in everything. Why do you suddenly expect me to make good choices when it comes to guys? I never have in the past." She felt strangely disconnected from the monotonous voice verbalising her thoughts. _Is that really how I sound?_

"True, I mean you did have that ill advised crush on Jasper for Christ's sake. So you obviously never had taste!" Rosalie glanced over at her brother. "I mean, I'll never understand what girls see in him." Bella let her glance slide over to Jas. He seemed to be following the turn in the conversation with a bemused grin, and it reminded Bella so strongly of how he used to look at her.

_His long fingers strummed the guitar carelessly, moving dextrously along the frets. The movement captivated Bella from across the room. She couldn't stop imagining what those fingers would feel like on her skin. _

_She'd had crushes on guys back in Phoenix, but never like this. Her thoughts had never been so all consuming, and, well, graphic. She fantasized about doing things with Jasper that she'd never even considered before._

_When he smiled at her or laughed at something she said, she was sure that it was painfully apparent to him how she felt. He'd catch her eye and her face would warm instantly. When he was close to her, her hands got clammy and her knees knocked, but in an entirely different way than she was used to. She couldn't get enough of it. _

_Jasper was easily the most beautiful boy she had ever seen. His blue eyes were stormy when he was angry and crystal clear when he was happy. She knew every twist of his dirty blond hair and every inch of his sinewy body. _

_He was caring, funny, intelligent, and fiercely protective. _

_But he was also cocky, quick tempered, tempestuous, and distant. _

_She knew it was pointless. Despite her new friends and attitude, she was still plain old Bella, and Jasper knew that better than anyone. He always saw the real her. After all, it was Jasper who picked her up when she tripped over her own feet, hugged her when she hit her head, and comforted her after every one of her stupid mistakes. Yet she still waited for him to see this as well, and to realise how much she wanted him._

_But it was Rose who noticed. _

_Waving her hand in front of Bella's eyes and distracting her from Jasper's fingers, Rose whispered, "What's going on with you? Have you got a thing for Jasper or something?" Bella was suddenly so hot that she was sure she could glow in the dark. "Oh my God, you totally do." Bella was mortified, but she was more worried that Rose would be angry with her._

"_Um, I, uh, I don't know what you mean," Bella hedged. _

"_Cut the crap, Bells. It's obvious." Rose laughed, "I don't care or anything. I mean, I don't get it, but whatever. Just don't get all crazy-stalker-girl on us, okay?"_

_Bella nodded briefly. Of course she wouldn't. Jasper was one of the few people she could be herself around; she wasn't going to ruin that friendship. At that moment, he looked up and smiled at her. _

"_What are you blushing about, Hells Bells?" The nickname was a new addition, and she loved that he had a special name for her. That she was the one he spent his time with, that she knew him better than anyone else did, other than Rosalie. She grinned back at him, her cheeks still prickling from her blush. _

"_Nothing Jas."_

She smiled wistfully at him and the memory. His eyes seemed to say so much that she couldn't read it all, but it warmed her heart.

"I dunno, Rose. There's definitely something about him." She sounded and felt more like herself now, her head didn't feel quite so heavy, and the idea of getting out of the bed was not quite as daunting. "Anyway, can we not talk about my little crush on Jasper or my questionable choices from last night? What's the plan for the rest of the weekend?"

Rose and Jasper exchanged a look. Bella hated when they did that because it usually meant that they were sharing one of those singular thoughts, and they were usually about her.

"We thought we might go to the beach tomorrow." The words sounded simple enough, but the way Jasper was suddenly fascinated by the paint chipping off the arm of the rocking chair made Bella feel apprehensive.

"Okay, sounds good to me. What's the big deal?" She looked back and forth between the beautiful, blond siblings who were her best friends.

"Emmett invited the Cullens to go with us," Rose stated blankly. "He really seems to like them. I mean, we all do, right?" She glanced at them both.

"Oh. Well that's fine. Alice is great, a little hyper, but I like her a lot." Bella paused as she thought about Edward's eyes on hers all night, and the way he left with Lauren anyway. "I haven't really spoken to Edward though. What's he like?"

"Pretty funny actually." Rosalie scrunched up her perfect face while she thought about him. "I think you'll like him, Bella. Just give him a chance, yeah?" Bella nodded. She could try to be friends with him, but she just didn't want to screw things up again.

**A/N - Thanks to my beta's Savage Woman and Belle of the B, they're helping me get through these!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

The tension in the jeep was palpable. Bella usually felt awkward and uncomfortable around new people, but this was just ridiculous.

She was hyper aware of every part of her body that was touching his. Even through her jeans and hoody, she could sense every minute movement he made. She felt like they were both barely breathing in the cramped confines of the car. That smell was circulating around her again, filling her senses, fresh and clean, like the ocean on a cool day.

Rose's eyes met hers in the rear view mirror and widened slightly. It seemed as if she had no idea what was going on either. Sitting next to her, Jasper shifted uneasily and cleared his throat. The silence was suffocating.

Only Emmett seemed unconcerned as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and bopped his head to music only he could hear.

"Fuck this," Rose mumbled under her breath and reached forward to turn on the stereo. As the music filled the car, everyone else seemed to relax, except for Edward. He still sat rigidly beside her, and it was making her paranoid.

Sighing, she risked a look over at him, noticing his clenched jaw and his furrowed brow. His only movement was the restless circling of his hands as he played with a woven leather bracelet that hung from his wrist. She watched as Alice gently prodded his arm, and his head turned slightly to look at her before turning back to the front of the car.

Alice's eyes met her own, and Alice shrugged with a small smile.

After driving down the dirt road that led to the beach, they pulled into a makeshift parking lot. The car had barely stopped before Edward all but shoved Alice from the car, bolting from his seat. Bella exited from the other side behind Jasper.

"Well, that was interesting," he said in a low voice while looking over the top of her head before flicking his gaze to her face and grinning. "Let's go."

They walked as a group down to their usual spot, a makeshift ring of logs. The pit in the middle still blackened with the remnants of the last BBQ The sun shone weakly through moderately grey clouds, a pretty good day for Forks.

As they settled down, turning on music and grabbing drinks from the cooler, Bella seized her favourite spot - the worn wood smooth and familiar beneath her fingertips.

Rose and Emmett laughed softly and moved around each other with ease in their own little world as Rose took a seat on the sand between Em's legs. They were often like this is front of Jas and Bella but not normally in front of strangers.

Alice giggled at something Jasper said, and Bella had the unnerving thought that they were flirting. It wasn't unusual for Jasper to get attention from girls, but it was rare that he put any effort into it, and he seemed to be laying it on for Alice.

Edward stood to the side looking discomfited. His eyes moved back and forth between his sister and the space next to Bella. Running a hand through his hair, he took a step towards her and hesitated before looking up and into her eyes.

Embarrassed to have been caught staring, Bella looked away quickly. She felt the log move slightly as he sat beside her.

"Hi - Bella." She turned to look at him, surprised to see him waiting for her response.

Under the scrutiny of his gaze, she panicked. "Finally figured that out then, huh?" As he frowned slightly, she quickly looked away.

"I guess so. Sorry about that." He paused tentatively, and Bella turned back to look at his face again. He was staring at the ground as he took a quick breath. "I, uh, I asked Tyler about you and he thought I meant Rosalie. Stupid, really."

Before he could look up, she turned away from him again.

"Whatever. Forget about it. It's not a problem." She raised her voice slightly so the others could hear. "I'm going for a walk." Standing quickly to head toward the water, Bella lost her footing in the uneven sand and rolled her ankle. She hissed at the sudden pain and shook her head. _Of course, I have to trip in front of him as well. Fucking great._

Walking to the water, Bella realised that she didn't know how to feel about Edward. She was always confused around him and even more edgy than usual. She didn't even want to think about why he was asking Tyler about her. She would only start obsessing and maybe get her hopes up.

The waves drifted slowly onto the beach and lapped at the toes of her sneakers. She knew the water was frigid, but she didn't move. She just watched as it edged closer and closer to her feet. It always calmed her to be close to the water. Contemplating the way her life had changed in a few short months, Bella was once again lost in her thoughts.

_Resting her back against a large piece of driftwood, she was hidden as she dug the toes of her sneakers into the sand. Even though the people didn't look at her the same way anymore, La Push still called to Bella, and she often found herself driving up to First Beach, hoping to find something there to make her feel whole again. _

_The smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves were soothing, and it was easy to feel at peace here. Even if the feeling was ephemeral, she kept trying to grasp it, knowing all the while that it was as futile as trying to hold the grains of sand in her fist. The tighter she squeezed, she quicker they ran out. _

_Sometimes she saw the guys from the Rez, always in a group – the same group she'd been a part of as a kid. They never seemed to recognise her anymore. Not that she could blame them, she hardly recognised herself anymore._

_The bags under her eyes were a constant now, marring what she considered an already featureless face, complete with mud coloured eyes and lank brown hair. Her frame was too skinny with no shape at all. Rosalie had tried in vain to "impart her wisdom" as she called it, offering tips on clothes and how to do her hair and makeup. Some of her advice had sunk in but mainly Rosalie just tolerated her friend's "artful dishevelment." Bella didn't see the point in trying to look like Rosalie. Rose was already perfect. Why would she make herself into a pale imitation of that perfection?_

_Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear him approaching. _

_The driftwood shifted as his weight landed on it from the other side, Bella watched as his legs swung over her head to land inches from her hand. Gasping, she pulled her hand back quickly to avoid the threat of broken fingers. Looking up Bella's eyes met his just as he noticed her for the first time._

"_Shit," he shrieked. "What the hell are you doing down there?" His voice, still slightly high from the surprise of finding Bella hidden, made her smile. _

"_Why? Did I scare you, Jacob? Thought you Rez boys weren't scared of anything!" Her voice was laced with sarcasm even though she hadn't meant it to be. Spending so much time with Rosalie was really starting to rub off on her. Jacob's eyes narrowed in confusion; he still hadn't recognised her. She raised her eyebrows and waited. _

"_Bella? Bella Swan?" He confirmed, disbelief evident in his tone. She ducked her head in response waiting for some snarky comment about how much she'd changed. Raising her eyes, the scorn she expected was absent. There was only a wide warm smile as he dropped himself down to the ground beside her and nudged her with his shoulder gently._

"_Missed you the last couple of summers. Where you been?" Taken aback by the sentiment, Bella replied more harshly than she meant to. _

"_I was around."_

"_With Leah, yeah I remember seeing you with her. Too cool to hang out with us then, huh?" He was teasing her, but underneath, she could tell he genuinely wanted to know. She made the sarcasm purposefully clear this time as she nudged him back. _

"_Yeah, 'cause I'm so cool, right?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "Speaking of "cool people," where are your friends today?" Bella glanced around somewhat anxiously. Jacob on his own seemed friendly enough, but she wasn't sure she could deal with the rest of them. _

"_Not sure, just felt like some alone time. They can be a bit-" He gestured with his hands as he searched for the right word. _

"_Obnoxious, irritating, a total pain in the ass?" Bella could think of less polite descriptions, but she didn't know how well they'd be received. But Jacob just laughed loudly, and Bella felt herself relax slightly. _

"_Yeah, I guess they are." He jumped up suddenly and grabbed both of Bella's hands, pulling her to stand next to him. "Lucky for you, I'm nothing like them!" He started off down the beach, still holding her hand, and Bella felt herself being swept up by his energy as she was dragged along behind his long legs. Her face broke into a grin, and it was real and effortless. Not like the usual smirks or false smiles that she used everywhere else. For the first time since moving to Forks, Bella thought that maybe La Push could still feel like home with the right people there._

"Bells!" The holler broke her from her fixation on the water as the voice from her memory sounded in the distance. She looked up to see Jake jogging along the water toward her, and felt her face form the same smile it had all those months ago.

"Hey, Jake!" she called back genuinely happy to see him.

**EPOV**

Standing motionless at the waters edge, she looked so breakable, like a wave could sweep her away at any moment. With her arms wrapped around herself and her head bowed to the ground, Edward was sure, that her face held that same lost expression.

He noticed the guy running toward her before he called out. He looked taller than even Emmett, but slimmer and really fast.

Edward watched as he approached Bella without slowing down and scooped her up into his arms, swinging her around widely as she screamed. Once she was back on the ground, she grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward the group.

Bella was infuriating Edward and the worst thing was that she hadn't even done anything. The electricity between them on the drive over was incredible. The warmth and scent of her close to him was so intoxicating, that he was sure she must have felt it too.

But yet again, when he tried to talk to her, she was indifferent and curt. She made him feel like an idiot, like he could never say anything right.

He had never felt so out of his depth with a girl before, and he just wanted a chance to get to know her a little.

There was always somebody else though. Alice had dropped into conversation that Bella didn't have a boyfriend, but it seemed like there was a lot of competition. He would have thought that the guy walking up the beach toward them was just another admirer, but then he noticed Bella's broad smile and the contentment in her eyes.

She looked happy with him. Happy for the first time since they had met.

Emmett jumped up as they approached and punched the guy lightly on the arm.

"Fuck, Jake. You're huge! You still playing football? We could definitely use you over at Forks." Jake laughed and shook his head.

"Nah, Em. Just for fun, you know that." He turned to look at the rest of the group. "Hey Rose, Jas. What's up?"

"Not much, Jake. How's the bike coming?" Rose stood up to hug him briefly, and Jasper raised his hand in a quick wave.

"It's getting there. I could always use a hand if you felt like spending some time down at the Rez?" She nodded.

"I guess I could help you out if you need someone who actually knows what they're doing." He grimaced in response.

"Harsh, Rose," he laughed. Glancing back at Bella, he cocked his head in Alice and Edward's direction. "So, you gonna introduce me or what?"

"Shit, sorry. This is Alice and -" she paused and looked down at the ground briefly before looking at Edward.

_Great, she can't even remember my name. Fuck my life._

"And Edward," Jasper jumped in casually. "They just moved to town."

"Nice to meet you." Jake nodded his hello and sat down, pulling Bella down to his side as he wrapped his arm around her.

Edward tried really hard to dislike Jake. The way Bella glued herself to his side, and the way her eyes lit up when he spoke, made it pretty easy to try. But he was just too fucking friendly and totally sincere. It was impossible. He soon found himself laughing along at Jake's stories of life on the Rez.

Bella opened up completely around him, talking freely and joking with her friends. Edward was still inexplicably drawn to her, but it was like he was watching a different person. She was funny, sweet and self-effacing as she laughed at stories that always seemed to involve her falling over or injuring herself.

Edward was envious. He'd only known her a week, and she'd barely spoken to him, but he wanted to be the one to make her laugh like that, to make her happy.

888888888888888

School on Monday was interesting to say the least. Without anyone actually saying it out loud, Edward and Alice had been accepted into the group. It seemed like a natural fit for everyone, and Edward was definitely glad to avoid Lauren after the way she'd cornered him on his way into school.

Before first period, he had approached his locker to find her leaning against it, her long nails tapping on her textbooks while she waited.

"Hi, Edward. I had a great time on Friday." She smiled at him and reached out for his hand, lacing their fingers together before he had a chance to react. "I was thinking we should do something this week?" Having girls check him out wasn't usually a bad thing in his opinion, but Lauren was nauseating and the way her eyes raked over him made Edward feel vaguely dirty. He disentangled his fingers from hers and took a step back.

"Um, I'm not sure about that Lauren. I mean, I have a lot to catch up on, being new here and everything. Maybe some other time?" He tried to brush her off as kindly as possible, but she didn't take the hint. Running her finger up his arm, she smiled in what she must have thought was a coy way.

"Definitely."

Unsure as to whether he could take an hour of that while he tried to eat, he was relieved to find himself walking into lunch with Emmett. Following him to a corner table where Alice already sat he ruffled her hair playfully causing her to scowl up at him. Laughing softly, he smiled at Bella when she looked up at the sound.

He expected a smile, or a hello back, but she just stared at him vacantly for a moment, before leaning back in her chair and looking around the room.

She stayed that way throughout lunch, saying little to anyone and eating nothing. It was as if the girl from the beach had disappeared into thin air.

Later in the day, Bella stumbled into English just as the bell rang. Catching her bag on the door handle and nearly dropping her books, Edward could finally see a little of the clumsy girl that Jake had described. She huffed loudly as she righted herself and dropped into her seat.

He sighed, as it seemed like she would continue to ignore him.

Turning her head toward the sound, she gave him a fleeting look. He could have sworn that there were tears in her eyes, but she looked away quickly before he could ask if she was all right.

Mr. Tate entered the room shortly and began handing back their assignments and making typical 'teacher-like' comments to each student as he passed. Handing over Edwards paper he simply said, "Not bad."

Pausing in front of Bella's desk, he placed the paper on the table in front of her and tapped it until she lifted her head. He turned back to the front of the class as Bella picked up her paper. Reading the comment and grade, she dropped it back onto the desk and grabbed her things.

Pushing back her chair with a resounding scrape, she stood and left the room quickly. Mr. Tate looked up but said nothing as she fled.

Edward reached out to pick up her paper, thinking he'd return it to her the next day. He tried not to look at the grade, assuming she must have done poorly on the rushed job, but his eyes moved of their own accord to the red writing.

The A+ dominated the top of the page, an immediate indication that she had done anything but poorly. He continued to read the comment underneath the grade

_Outstanding as usual, Bella._

_Please see me after class_

_I would like to discuss your plans after graduation._

As Mr. Tate began the lesson without comment on Bella's sudden departure, Edward scanned the rest of the paper briefly. His mouth gaped open momentarily. Her writing was concise but eloquent, and even though the paper was only half the length of his own, she had included all the key arguments that had been discussed throughout the previous lessons, as well as, several more advanced theories that they had not covered. He felt as though he was reading an academic text rather than a high school English paper.

Stuffing the paper into his binder, Edward looked over at Bella's desk where she sat through every lesson listening to her iPod and paying no attention. He couldn't help but wonder what else she was hiding.

888888888888888

Holding his finger down on the remote, Edward watched the TV unseeingly as the channels flipped by.

"Just choose one already!" Alice snatched the remote from his hand with a loud tut. "What's with you?" Settling on a channel, she eased back into the sofa as Edward gnawed on his fingernail for a moment while he tried to decide what was _with_ him.

"So, you and Bella, you're friends right?" Edward started out vaguely, but Alice raised her eyebrows fractionally and smirked at him knowingly. "Don't look at me like that, Al. I just thought you might wanna know that she stormed out of English today practically in tears."

He watched as Alice's smirk fell from her face and she looked away from him

"Well that's understandable." She barely mumbled under her breath.

"Why, what's going on with her?" Edward was trying to keep his interest contained. So far, he had managed not to question Alice about her friendship with Bella, but he was just becoming more and more engrossed in her.

"I don't know exactly, she's-" Alice paused to take a breath and blow it out loudly. "It seems complicated. But I like her, and I think she'll like me if she lets me in." Alice finished thoughtfully.

"Could you possibly be more vague there, Al?" Edward rolled his eyes.

"Okay, how's this for straightforward? I don't know Bella too well, but I think I'd be pretty upset if I had to listen to some of the stuff people were saying about her today. Girls bad mouthing her constantly, and the guys leering all day. It was pretty rough. I thought these people were supposed to be her friends, and they just laid into her."

Her voice rose as she became more upset, and Edward frowned as he realised the source of the gossip.

"Mike Newton shared his success on Friday then?" he questioned.

"So you heard what he told everyone?"

"No, but I saw him leaving her room Friday night. He was pretty pleased with himself then. I'm not surprised he was gloating about it." Edward curled his lip at the memory of Mike's smug face.

"Nice," Alice commented, her nose wrinkling as though she'd smelled something bad. "Well, at least she has Rose sticking up for her."

Edward laughed. "Yeah, I definitely wouldn't want to get on her bad side. She scares me." He grinned at his sister and was relieved to see her smiling back.

The next morning he waited for Bella's ancient red truck to pull into the parking lot, but there was no sign of her. Jasper ambled over to him slowly.

"Hey, man. What's up?" He nodded back at Jas.

"Not much, no Bella today?" Jasper sucked the air between his teeth as he looked around the lot slowly.

"Probably not man. Why? What did you need her for?" Edward thought he looked a little suspicious of his question and quickly pulled the paper from his bag.

"She left this behind yesterday, and I just wanted to give it back to her. She seemed pretty upset when she left. Was it about Newton?" The anger flashed across Jasper's face so quickly that Edward almost missed it.

"Yeah, I guess so. You heard about that then?" Jasper narrowed his eyes at Edward. "It's not all true you know, but no one really cares about the details – they just like to talk."

"I don't really pay attention to gossip man, especially when I heard her shoot him down first hand." Edward watched as Jasper's eyes widened again.

"You what?" he asked incredulously.

"I heard her kick him out on Friday. I was tempted to help her, considering the way he was talking to her. But I think she handled it ok." Jasper shook his head as his face relaxed into a smile.

"Newton's pretty harmless, even if he is a dick, but thanks for looking out for her anyway. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"No big deal, but I'm not so sure she'd would." Edward ran his hand through his hair; the nervous habit always seemed to intensify when he thought about Bella. "She doesn't seem to like me much."

Jasper smiled briefly and shrugged his shoulders.

"That's just the way she is. Hells Bells just takes a while to warm up to people. She definitely likes you though." Jasper turned to walk away from the school.

"I'll have to take your word on that," Edward called after him. "You not coming in?" He heard Jasper chuckle lightly.

"Not today, got some stuff to take care of."

**A/N - Thanks again to the great beta's, Savage Woman and Belle of the B!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

The incessant beeping of her alarm clock had stopped some time ago; even the battery powered machine seemed to have given up on her.

She realized her eyes were open, and wondered when that had happened. How long had she been lying there staring at nothing? She wondered how life could feel so interminable, yet at the same time, feel like it was rushing past you.

School definitely wasn't happening today. Not after yesterday.

It had been a while since Bella had been so affected by anything at school. She was usually so sealed off that everything rolled right off her. She knew that people would talk - they always did, and normally she didn't care.

But the thought of Edward hearing those things about her? It made her feel sick.

When he'd smiled at her during lunch, she'd felt like less than nothing. She didn't want him to look at her like everyone else did – like she was soiled and damaged with nothing to offer anyone.

Mr. Tate's expression as he'd handed back her paper in class only intensified the feeling. For some reason he seemed to care about her future. More than her parents or anyone else seemed to, but he wouldn't if he knew what she was really like. He would realize that she wasn't worth the effort.

Walking out of the classroom, she'd felt a crushing weight on her chest. She had made her way straight home, collapsing onto her bed fully clothed.

Bella lifted her lethargic limbs and tried shaking her head. It felt heavy and fuzzy despite all of the sleep, or maybe because of it.

Grabbing her Zig Zags and weed, she stumbled her way down the stairs and into the kitchen, realizing that Charlie hadn't even checked to see if she was at home during the night.

Pushing open the back door, she wandered aimlessly to her swing, scarcely registering the steady drizzle. As she rolled and gently swayed, she tried to figure out why her usual apathy had deserted her. She'd become so accustomed to feeling nothing, that she'd forgotten how hard this used to be.

_Whispers echoed in her ears as she walked through the halls. Loud and callous the words repeated in her consciousness. Her skin prickled with the stares that followed her every footstep, and she felt herself begin to tremble under their scrutiny. _

_She hadn't meant for it to happen, but then she never did._

_Tyler Crowley. _

_She'd needed to feel something, anything. Needed for someone to want her, and he had been there. _

_Rose grabbed her elbow almost too tightly. _

"_Stop it," she ordered. "Stop worrying about what everyone's saying or thinking – you're Bella fucking Swan. It doesn't matter what they think." _

_Bella nodded briefly and lifted her head up, trying to inject the same confidence into her walk that Rose carried off so carelessly. _

_It was always easier to act like she didn't care when she was with Rose, but she still longed to escape the school and the judgement in everyone's eyes. _

_But the silent house was even more unbearable when she got home, mocking her for her mistakes and only emphasising how unworthy she was. _

_Her mind raced uncontrollably, replaying every word and touch until she thought she would scream. She paced the living room, picking at the barely healed scabs on her arms. Hissing as the rough skin peeled away, she stopped to consider the small markings. _

_It was supposed to make you feel better; ease some of the pain within. So she'd tried it. Dragging the blade across her flesh had felt cold and alien as she'd waited for the relief. _

_All she'd felt was pain. A lot of it._

_It had only made her feel more frustrated that she couldn't even get this right._

_She gave up soon after, along with the attempts to physically purge her nerves and disappointment. She knew all of the analysis, these; were ways to exercise control when you felt you had none. _

_That wasn't Bella's problem. She had more than enough control. She wanted to lose control. _

She brought the rolled blunt to her lips as Jasper rounded the corner of the house. He walked slowly to stand in front of her. She swung back and forth gently, avoiding his eyes as she inhaled deeply.

She could feel him watching her closely, and under his gaze, she started to fidget, pulling at her sleeves and twisting her hair around her finger. Finally she looked back at him.

"What?" she demanded. His eyes widened slightly, then narrowed as he tilted his head to the side and almost squinted at Bella. It seemed to take him an age to reply.

"Nothing." He finally shrugged at her.

"Nothing," she repeated. "So why are you here?"

"You've been acting a little weird. Well, weirder than usual anyway. What happened yesterday?"

Bella could feel herself start to crack under his concern, and she stammered out feebly, "I, uh, I dunno what you mean. I'm not acting any different than usual."

She passed him the joint and watched as his lips encircled it. Once upon a time, that would have been enough to make Bella's breath hitch and her heart start pounding, but not anymore. She just waited for him to continue.

"Yeah? Well you don't _usually_ walk out of school 'cause of a few idiotic comments, and you don't _usually_ smoke first thing in the morning. Is this about Edward?" he asked the question suddenly, and it caught Bella off guard. She could feel herself start to blush furiously, an old involuntary reaction that she hadn't experienced since her earliest days of hanging around with Jas and Rose.

"What? Why would you ask that? I've barely even spoken to him!" Bella's hasty denial sounded forced even to herself, and judging by the expression on Jasper's face, he agreed.

"Hmm," he hummed disbelievingly. Leaning forward to pass the joint back, he paused to run the back of his fingers across Bella's still burning cheeks. "You should talk to him."

As he turned to walk into her house, Bella could feel herself gaping after him.

Throwing the joint to the ground and pushing out of the swing, she followed him into the kitchen to find him eating cereal out of the box as he leaned against the counter. He took one look at her expression and laughed.

Realising her mouth was still hanging open, Bella snapped it shut and walked into the living room, falling onto the sofa as she bit her lip. Jasper flopped down next to her with the box of cereal in his hand.

Bella glanced at him as he continued to munch loudly, waiting for him to elaborate on that comment. But she knew he wouldn't - Jasper was never much of a talker. She would have to ask him, and she was dreading it.

"You know I can't," she finally whispered quietly. He continued chewing thoughtfully and swallowed with a loud gulp.

"But you want to." Bella shot him a look that she hoped clearly said, _"One word and I'll kill you."_

"I'll take that as a yes. He asked me to give this to you, said you left it behind in class yesterday."

Confused, Bella held her hand out for the crumpled papers that Jas pulled from his back pocket. Seeing it was her English paper, she sighed loudly.

"You think he read it?" Jasper seemed uninterested in the question as he shrugged_._

"Probably. Does it matter? He asked me about you. Said he heard what happened with you and Newton."

Bella groaned as she leaned her head back and dropped the forgotten paper to the floor. "Great. Now he probably thinks that I'm some sort of, of-" Jasper quickly cut her off.

"Hey! He doesn't think anything. He wasn't listening to anyone at school. He heard you kick Newton out on Friday. He was worried about you."

Bella couldn't really explain to Jasper that that made her feel even worse. He had heard everything, and he was worried about her.

"Why should he care?" Jasper just stared at her for what felt like the longest time before shaking his head.

"No idea. But give the guy a chance, yeah?" Bella nodded her head. It was the same thing that Rose had said. She just wasn't sure what she was supposed to be giving him a chance at.

**EPOV**

He heard it before he saw it. Bella's truck was ridiculously loud as it rumbled into the parking lot, and pulled into a space a couple away from his Volvo. Alice jumped out of the car to make her way over. Edward followed slowly, unsure if he wanted to see her or not.

"Bella, are you feeling better?" Alice reached forward to give her a brief hug, which Bella returned almost ineptly, a confused look passing across her face. "Rosalie said you were sick. I hope it wasn't too horrible."

Edward watched as her expression cleared slightly.

"Oh, right. No I'm much better thanks, just one of those 24-hour things." As usual she was looking anywhere but at him. Edward turned to leave, feeling unwelcome, when her voice stopped him.

"Hey, Edward." He turned back to look at her. Her eyes didn't lift to meet his, and she was chewing her lip again, but she had spoken to him directly. Even though it was ridiculous, he was thrilled.

"Hi, Bella." He tried to catch her gaze, but she flicked her head to the side quickly. "Glad you're feeling better."

"Thanks," she mumbled, before hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and making her way into the school without another word.

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The next few weeks continued much the same way, and Edward and Alice settled comfortably into the strange group.

Emmett was easy going and light-hearted. He seemed the perfect guy to balance out Rosalie's bitchiness. He made things seem simple. There was never the need to justify anything to Emmett; he just accepted things the way they were.

Rosalie was another story; at only 17 she seemed jaded - constantly wary of everyone and ultimately untrusting, Edward wouldn't have been convinced that she liked him at all if Emmett wasn't so sure of the fact. But she was fiercely protective of her friends, and Edward could respect that, especially as she and Alice seemed to have become close quickly despite their obvious differences.

Jasper was hard to figure out but easy to like. Although he was a man of few words, his watchful eyes seemed to absorb everything, and when he did speak, he was insightful and often funny But his temper was always frayed, bubbling under the calm surface, and Edward kept waiting for him to snap.

He hadn't managed to learn much more about Bella. But then no one seemed to know much about Bella, and he didn't want to ask the few people who seemed to know her well.

She continued to fascinate him. She was introverted and surly at school, breaking her silence occasionally to make witty but sarcastic contributions to the conversation, yet volunteering nothing about herself.

Some days she didn't come to school at all or walked out part way through, and usually Jasper would leave soon after. Both would return eventually, with no mention of where they'd been.

She could be kind and generous. He'd seen it during the time they spent together on the weekends, but she was still distant, and she still looked lost. The only times she seemed fully alive were when Jake would join them, the rest of the time she seemed like a shadow of herself.

Rumours circulated around the school. Edward heard them occasionally, but the stories seemed so unlike the melancholy girl he knew that he had difficulty believing them.

He knew that he shouldn't be so intrigued by her. At times she seemed broken and bitter, but he wanted her. Wanted to know if he could help to take away whatever had made her like this.

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The table vibrated slightly as the phone beeped quietly, and everyone looked up as it started its shuffle across the surface before Bella's hand reached out to grab it.

Her eyes flitted over the message briefly before she looked up.

"Jake says there's gonna be a bonfire down at the Rez tomorrow. Are we in?" She looked around the table at everyone. Sometime over the last few weeks, they had progressed from polite greetings to actual – albeit brief – conversations, and she included him in her questioning glances.

As usual Emmett and Alice were the first to respond.

"Fuck yeah! Sounds like a plan."

"Definitely. I love bonfires, they're so cute!"

Jasper and Bella both scoffed briefly at Alice, and she turned to glare at them.

"Don't mind them Pix," Rosalie cut in, "It's just that the Rez bonfires aren't exactly 'sit around the camp fire and tell ghost stories' bonfires."

"Yeah, more like 'get fucked up around the camp fire and have a rager' bonfires." Jasper finished, "It can get a little out of hand."

"Come on, Jas. It's not that bad." Bella rolled her eyes and looked across the table at Alice. "Anyway, I don't think Pixie's as sweet and innocent as you want her to be." She raised her eyebrow slyly at Alice, who smirked back. "Edward, on the other hand, may well end up being corrupted."

Edward's eyes widened as Emmett guffawed loudly, and for a second, he couldn't tell if he was being mocked or flirted with - he really hoped it was the latter.

"I'm pretty sure you couldn't show me anything I haven't seen before," he retorted. Bella brought her eyes to his face and lifted her eyebrows in surprise, almost as if she had just realised what he meant. She quickly looked away as Jasper pulled the attention to himself.

"Well, either way, you stick with me, Alice. I'll take care of you." He slipped an arm around her shoulder casually and winked at Bella. It was Rose's turn to scoff this time.

"Like that's reassuring to anyone. You're worse than all of those Rez boys!"

"Rose, I'm hurt. How can you say such things about your own brother?" Jasper feigned his distress as both Bella and Rose rolled their eyes.

"Because she knows you, Jas," Bella added. Jasper leaned down towards Alice and half whispered.

"Don't listen to them, Alice. They're just jealous."

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As the jeep pulled into the dirt lot by the beach, Edward realised that they hadn't been exaggerating about the Rez parties.

The bonfire was huge, and it seemed like everyone on the Rez under 25 had turned out at the beach. Portable generators were hooked up to massive speakers pumping out music hard and loud. The ground seeming to resonate with the bass, as they got closer.

Jake spotted them almost immediately and made his way through the crowd.

"Guys, what took you so long?" He led them over to a small group of kids around their age, maybe a little younger. "Eddie, Alice, these are my friends – Quil, Embry, Paul and Jared. Let me get you guys some drinks."

Alice smiled and immediately began chatting to the boys, while Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie sat down. Edward noticed that Bella was standing off to the side, frowning as she watched Jake walk away. He leaned down to ask her quietly, "Hey, you ok?"

She jumped slightly at the proximity of his voice, before smiling tightly at him and sitting down next to Jasper. One of the Rez guys seemed to notice her for the first time and looked over.

"Bella, surprised to see you here. Come to visit Sam?" The rest of the guys snickered slightly.

"Yeah, Paul. That's exactly why I'm here – not 'cause Jake invited me. But 'cause I couldn't stay away from you Rez boys." Her joking tone was forced and Edward noticed her knuckles whitening as she gripped her sleeves tightly.

"Right," Paul sneered at her. "Well if that's true, maybe it could be Embry's turn this time?" The smallest boy looked terrified as the others laughed, and as Bella met his frightened gaze, the look in her eyes was heart-rending.

"Here you go, guys. Rez's own special brew. That'll keep you warm." The atmosphere lightened immediately as Jake rejoined the group. Paul's antagonism and Bella's tension slipping away as everyone reached for a cup of what smelled bizarrely like lighter fluid.

After a couple of drinks everyone seemed to relax, and although they sat as a single group, the Rez guys barely acknowledged anyone but Jake. Bella fidgeted constantly and kept getting up to walk around the crowd. Edward guessed she must know most of these people and was just being polite.

When everything started to feel a little blurred around the edges, Edward thought it would be a good time to stretch his legs.

"Guys, I'm gonna go for a walk down by the water." Hearing the slight slur to his words, Edward was embarrassed, but everyone else just laughed.

"Sounds like a good idea man," Emmett smiled widely, "Rez shine's about 150 proof. Maybe Bella was right about corrupting you after all."

Edward waved him off and walked toward the water's edge, thinking about ways he would like Bella to corrupt him. Picturing her red lips wrapped around him and her hands in his hair.

"Hey." He heard her voice softly behind him, and he would have thought he was imagining it if not for the slight tug on his sleeve. He turned to find her right behind him, her cheeks flushed and eyes bright. "You ok there?" she teased.

"Uh huh." He nodded and couldn't stop his eyes from moving over her hungrily. As they reached her face she licked her lips slowly. "Pretty good, actually."

She smiled, a real broad smile, and moved closer to him, reaching out to put her hand in his. He almost gasped as he finally felt her skin on his - the spark he had felt between them before, increasing.

"Yeah?" She looked up at him, biting her lip, and he wanted nothing more at that moment than to close the space between them and take her lip between his. She hummed, and her eyes became mischievous. "Wanna go swimming?" she asked, pulling him slowly towards the water as she started to lift her shirt up with her other hand.

Edward was mesmerised by the sliver of skin she'd revealed. It was creamy and pale and looked so soft. But then the frosty water washed over his feet, and his head cleared with the shock. Looking down he saw Bella in the water up to her ankles.

"I don't think that's such a good idea – this water's freezing! Come on, let's go back up." She dropped his hand immediately and crossed her arms over her middle. He looked up quickly and was surprised at the pain in her eyes. But before he could question it, it was gone, and she had hardened again.

"Fine," she sighed, "I should have known you'd be too good to have a little fun with me." With that, she walked past him toward the fire; grabbing Jasper from his seat next to Alice and dragging him into the darkness.

He clenched his fists in his hair and spun to face the ocean again.

_What the fuck just happened? So I don't want her to catch hypothermia, was that such a bad thing?_

It had seemed like she was so interested in him, and then she just walked away. Now he wished that he'd just followed her into the frigid water, to hell with the consequences for once.

**BPOV**

"Bells, what's going on? Bells, will you just stop and talk to me for a second?"

Jasper was trying to slow her down by pulling on her hand, but Bella was determined. She kept moving until they were far away from the bonfire and the music and him. She spun around suddenly and crushed her lips to Jasper's in desperation, lacing her arms around his neck tightly. She reached up on her tip toes to push herself against him firmly.

His mouth moved against hers and his hands reached around her waist to pull her even closer. Bella basked in his warmth and familiarity. She ran her hands up and into his hair, as his fingertips found their way under her shirt to run along her back and she allowed herself to get lost in the memory of the last time he had touched her like this.

_The weight of his arm falling across her side and his leg moving between hers woke her up minutes before. They were tangled up in each other and impossibly close._

_His breath tickled as she felt him inhale deeply and exhale with a sigh against her throat. In the total darkness, she wasn't even sure if he was awake or just moving in his sleep, but she was frozen with anticipation._

_She was still barely awake and struggling to figure out if this was actually happening, or if one of her dreams had just become a hell of a lot more visceral. _

_Coarse but tender - that's what his fingertips felt like as they trailed across her back, making her skin tingle in their wake. She'd been imagining how this would feel for months, and she wanted to memorize every moment in case it never happened again. _

_His hand moved around to her waist as his fingertips rubbed circles onto her hips firmly. Without meaning to, she rocked forward and pushed her skin into his hand. Feeling the firmness of his thigh between her legs, she gasped softly. He hesitated for only a moment before dragging his hand across her stomach and dipping his fingertips into the top of her pyjamas. He waited as though he was seeking permission that this was ok. _

_She shifted against him again in response, grinding herself lightly as she pressed herself to him tighter, feeling the heat building. _

"_Bella……" he groaned softly into the darkness, and it made her feel wanton and powerful. _

"_Jas….please," she moaned, grinding a little more firmly, needing to feel the friction. He inhaled a shaky breath, and slid his hand further down toward her centre. It was agonisingly slow, and there was a moment of delicious torture before he finally touched her. _

_Softly and slowly, he ran his finger up and down her folds, and she was amazed at how slick she felt just from this brief contact. It felt so much better than anything else, and when the tip of his finger ghosted over her clit, she bucked into his hand desperate to increase the pressure. _

_She felt him smile against her shoulder, chuckling softly, and she reached her hand down between them to grasp Jaspers cock through his briefs and squeezed gently. He hissed and pushed down slightly with his fingertip, causing Bella to moan and writhe against him again. _

_Slipping her hand into his briefs, she felt him fully. He was long and thick, but she was overwhelmed by how smooth and hot he felt in her hand. He was so hard that he was practically throbbing. Bella rubbed her thumb over his tip, spreading the pearl of liquid she found there, before leisurely running her hand down his length, relishing in the shudder than ran through him. _

"_Bella," he whispered as he slipped one finger inside her and pressed his thumb against the bundle of nerves at her entrance. He began pumping his finger in and out and circling her clit with his thumb as she stroked back up his shaft, adding a twist at the top before running her hand back down. Their movements were still sleepy and lethargic. All of the boys before, with their clammy hands and sloppy kisses, giving her their full attention, had never made her feel this good. _

_She felt the warmth from Jasper's other hand as he rested it in between her breasts, and it made her heart pound harder to know that he could feel it. She reached her other hand up to run through his knotty curls, fisting it as he added another finger inside her. He ran his other hand delicately over her breast, causing her nipple to pebble._

_Speeding up her movements slightly, Bella heard Jasper's breathing become shallow, and loved that she had been the one to affect him like that. He matched her pace with his own, and she could feel the tingling in the pit of her stomach as he curled his fingers inside her. Her body felt like it was on fire as his hand moved to settle on her throat. _

_They both began to faintly whimper as they approached their release, and Bella opened her eyes to see what she could of Jasper's face. As she felt herself begin to fall over the edge, she started to quietly cry out his name before he captured her lips with his own. _

_She sighed into the kiss instead. His lips were warm and supple and perfect, and everything she had imagined them to be. He pulled away too quickly and murmured "Bella" one final time before pulling her to his chest and drifting back to sleep. _

_Bella tried to keep her eyes open, to savour every moment of her night with Jasper, but she soon fell back to sleep, tangled up in his arms and happier than she'd ever felt._

He pulled back with a sigh and rested his forehead against hers.

"Bells, what are you doing?" She felt the tears welling up inside her, threatening to fall as soon as he pulled back. "You don't want this."

She nodded her head frantically as the tears finally released. "Yes, I do," she pleaded.

**A/N So, that was the first vaguely lemony thing I've ever written - pretty tame but hey.**

**Thanks again to PTB and Savage Woman for helping me!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**BPOV**

Jasper circled her wrists in his hands, and, removing her arms from his neck, shook his head slowly.

As their eyes met, the sadness in both was overwhelmed them.

"No, you don't." Bella felt like her knees were about to give out, so she slipped to the ground carelessly, landing in a heap at his feet.

"What are you talking about, Jas?" She took a deep breath, and whispered quietly, admitting it aloud for the first time, "I've always wanted this."

He sank down to his knees in front of her and took her chin in his hand, lifting it so that he could look directly into her eyes.

"Bells, I wish that were true." Jasper took a shaky breath. "But I'm not what you want, not anymore."

Bella looked up with renewed conviction and stared into his eyes.

"Yes, you are. I've always wanted you. I need you." She leant forward to kiss him again and felt her heart fracture when he pulled away.

"I need you too, Bells. But not like this." He tore his gaze away from her as her eyes filled up with fresh tears. "I wanted you for so long, but I can't make you happy."

"You do make me happy!" she protested, clutching at him almost violently. He looked up again, a cheerless smile on his face.

"Really? I make you so happy that you can't stop smiling? Do I make you forget about all the other crap going on so you can just be with me? Because that's how it's supposed to be Bella. That's how I wanted it to be, but it's not, and I can't do this." Bella struggled to figure out what he was saying, what he wanted her to be.

"I can. You make me as happy as I _can_ be." Her words didn't have the strength that she hoped for, and as Jasper's face fell, she realized that it wouldn't be enough. That _she_ wouldn't be enough.

"No, I don't. You and me, Bells, we're broken." She felt the truth in his words, but it didn't prevent them from stinging. "Like this." He gestured between the two of them. "We'll just ruin each other."

Bella nodded blankly at his statement, wordlessly agreeing with him. But it just felt like another rejection, and even though it was probably true, it didn't make it any easier to take.

"Come on, Bells. Let me take you home."

She felt the numbness overtake her as Jasper pulled her to her feet, and they began walking back to the bonfire hand in hand.

She was unsure how they made it back to her house, but it was cold and dark as Jasper unlocked the front door.

"No Chief?" She shrugged vaguely in response. "Guess not."

Her limbs felt heavier than ever before as she lifted her foot onto the first step. Sighing in frustration at how difficult it felt, she leaned against the wall. Jasper scooped her up immediately and carried her to her room.

She curled up into a ball as he placed her on the bed and removed her shoes and socks, still wet from the ocean.

He curled up behind her on the bed and pulled her back against his chest.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked softly.

She hadn't known, and it was the first time anyone had ever said it to her. Once again the tears began streaming silently down her face at the emotion in his voice.

"I love you too."

"You're my best friend Bells. I'd do anything for you, and I just want you to be happy. Will you try?" She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck and inhaled deeply the scent of apples and sunshine that seemed to be uniquely Jasper.

"I'll try, as long as you do too." Bella felt more than heard his sigh as his chest rose and fell against her back.

"Believe me, Bells. I am."

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On her personal hangover scale, this morning was pretty epic. Even lying in her bed with her eyes closed, it felt like the room was spinning.

"Ugh," she groaned, and Jasper laughed softly behind her.

Bella realized she was still curled up in his arms and pinched him lightly on the arm.

"Feeling a little rough, darlin'?" He gave her a gentle squeeze before rolling away and stretching. Bella couldn't count the number of times that she'd woken up with Jasper in her bed. But this morning, everything felt different. It felt like goodbye.

"You could say that. A little embarrassed too." She cringed as she remembered everything they'd said to each other the night before, holding her breath as she waited for his response. The numbness she usually hated seemed to have deserted her again, and she found herself wishing it would come back so she could just shut everything out.

"Bells," he sighed, "You don't have anything to be embarrassed about with me. You know that. I just wish things were different."

Biting her lip gently, she struggled once again to stop the tears from overflowing.

"Me too."

As she turned to face him for the first time, a powerful wave of nausea hit her stomach.

"Oh God – " Stumbling into the bathroom, she managed to make it to the toilet just in time. Hearing Jas laughing from the bedroom, she curled herself up on the floor and rested her cheek on the edge of the bathtub, before calling out feebly, "Shut up. It's not funny."

"It kind of is." Jasper pointed out as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the facet, handing her a cold glass of water. "Here we are, having this monumental conversation, and you have to ruin it by puking."

"I didn't really ruin it, did I? I mean, this sucks and everything, but the most important thing is that you're still my best friend." He slid down the side of the bath to sit beside her and slung his arm over her shoulders.

"Yep, that is the most important thing. So, you gonna tell me what happened last night?"

"Nope. You gonna tell me about Alice?" She watched as his eyes widened, and his mouth opened and closed. "What? You think you're the only one who can pull off this perceptive shit? So what's she got that I haven't?" She tried to tease him, but it just came out sounding hollow.

"Nothing, Bells. She doesn't have anything you don't. But she makes me wanna be better." He smiled down at Bella wistfully. "That okay?"

"Of course it's okay. I said I wanted you to be happy, and I meant it. Never seen you like this before though - must be something special," Bella mused. She meant what she said, but it was difficult to feel happy for him. Even though she understood his rejection, it was still hard to take.

She wasn't special.

"You remember what I said about being so wrapped up in someone that you forget all the other crap? Well Alice does that for me, for a little while, anyway." He was staring into the distance, a strange half smile on his face that Bella had never seen before. "It's a start."

It made her chest ache. All she'd wanted for so long was for him to look at her like that, and realizing that he never would, she felt the need to hide from Jasper for the first time. To bring up the walls that worked so well on everyone else.

"Okay, if you keep up this mushy crap, I may have to yack again. I'd be careful though, Jas. I think she'll have you on a pretty short leash!"

"If she even wants me," he mumbled. Bella had never seen Jasper look anything other than perfectly confident, and to see him unsure about Alice made her feel protective of him for once. She nudged him so that he would look up to her face.

"If she doesn't, then she's nuts. But for the record, I've seen the way she looks at you – she definitely wants you." Bella nodded her head decisively. She knew the truth of her statement, and even if admitting it to Jasper would bring him closer to Alice and further away from herself, she had to tell him. He deserved that much.

Jasper looked astonished at her surety, but his eyes were bright with a hope that hadn't been there a moment before.

"How can you be so certain about this and so blind about everything else?" he asked wonderingly.

"What do you mean?"

Shaking his head, he paused."Nothing, now get in that shower Hells Bells, you stink!" Bella feigned being offended for a second before grinning and hugging Jasper tightly.

He laughed as he jumped up and left the room, but the smile fell from her face immediately as she wrapped her arms around herself tightly. In her desperation of the night before, she hadn't truly considered what admitting her feelings to Jasper might cost her.

He didn't want her, and although she could accept it, it would always hurt that she wasn't enough for him, but not as much as the fear that she might never be enough for anyone.

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Over the rest of the weekend an ominous weight began to settle in Bella's stomach.

She hoped that eventually things would be okay with Jasper. He knew her, knew her ridiculous mood swings, and her stifling insecurities; and in spite of it all, he loved her. He wouldn't judge her, and he wouldn't hold it against her. He never did.

On the other hand, the situation with Edward was infinitely more humiliating. Muddled memories of throwing herself at him made her want to dig a hole in the ground and live there indefinitely.

He barely knew her, and she'd already made a fool of herself.

Bella was unsure what had made her approach him at the bonfire. The shots she drank on her numerous trips to the drinks table while the others were chatting probably had something to do with it. But it also had something to do with the way he looked at her sometimes. When his eyes held none of the contempt or expectations of the other guys from school or the Rez. He didn't know her reputation, and with the false confidence of the night, she allowed herself to imagine, however briefly, that he might want her.

Of course he didn't.

He had been kind, but the refusal was clear and stinging just the same. She dreaded having to see him, to look into his eyes and see that rejection all over again.

She felt deficient and worthless, knowing for certain that she had nothing to offer, not to Jasper and definitely not to someone like Edward Cullen.

EPOV

The muffled knocking on his bedroom door was relentless, but he could barely hear it over the pounding of his music. He knew he should answer her, but he just couldn't be bothered.

"Edward!" Alice's voice had an edge to it that he had rarely heard before, but with one final loud bang on the door, she stopped. He smiled to himself. She'd given up slightly more easily than he'd expected.

Alice could never understand why he would want to spend time alone in his bedroom when they could be doing something "fun." But where she was gregarious, he was taciturn, like opposing sides of a coin.

Despite their differences, they had always understood each other perfectly and were strangely close for siblings, even if they didn't always share everything.

She was worried about him, that much he could tell.

He didn't think she needed to be. It seemed pretty obvious where he stood with Bella now. She was just playing with him, and when she got bored, she went running back to Jasper. He sighed as he pictured the way her eyes went flat before she stormed away from him.

"What the fuck did you do?" His door flew open and hit the wall with a crack. _That's gonna leave a mark._ Edward winced and looked up to see the last person he expected standing in his bedroom.

Rosalie didn't seem angry, and she hadn't raised her voice, but there was something about the look in her eye that made Edward nervous all the same.

"Excuse me?" She rolled her eyes in response and entered the room slowly.

"You heard me, Cullen. What did you do?" She spoke slowly and calmly, but Edward was still baffled.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Rosalie." Pulling himself into a sitting position and turning down his music, he noticed Alice poking her head around the doorframe and raised his eyebrows at her just as Emmett strolled past her on his way into Edward's room.

"Jeez, Rosie, give the guy a break. You know he probably didn't do anything." Without waiting for an invitation, Emmett collapsed onto Edward's sofa and nodded a greeting in his direction.

Rosalie held her ground, not breaking her gaze from Edward's face until Alice piped up behind her. "Hey, Rose. Wanna head into Port Angeles this afternoon? I really need to get out of Forks."

Finally tearing her eyes away from Edward, Rose turned to Alice. "Sure, getting out of Forks is always a good idea."

"Great. Edward can I borrow the car?" Edward watched the conversation between the two as though it was in another language but nodded blankly at Alice's request, remaining silent as they left the room. Rose paused at the door to glance back at Edward once more, a look of confusion on her perfect face.

As he glanced over at Emmett, Edward found him casually looking through a book he'd picked up off of the desk.

"What the hell was that about?"

Emmett glanced up as he gestured at the now empty doorway. "Hm? That? Fuck if I know. Rosie gets pissed about a lot of stuff. Sometimes it's difficult to keep track." Emmett shrugged his shoulders lightly, but Edward wasn't convinced.

"So she just asked you to bring her over here so she could yell at me, and you have no idea what for?" Emmett grinned at him widely.

"Yeah?" It seemed impossible that Emmett could know so little, but he obviously wasn't going to share, so Edward let it go. "So what's the plan for today, Eddie?"

"Um, honestly I had no plans for today. I was just doing some thinking." Emmett nodded slowly.

"What about?" Edward was taken aback by the directness of the question. People over the age of five didn't usually come right out and ask. He paused for a moment and just decided to come out with it.

"Bella." Emmett looked surprised for a moment but not that surprised.

"Something happen between you two?" Straight to the point again, Edward decided then that with Emmett, there was no point in trying to be subtle.

"No, but I wanted it to." Emmett just nodded his head again as if expecting the response.

"Did she?" Edward sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"I thought so, I mean…fuck. But then she just disappeared with Jasper." Edward felt like a little girl with a crush telling Emmett all of this, and he kept expecting him to laugh.

"Yeah, I can see that happening." Again with the head bobbing.

"I mean, they say they're not together, but then it seems like they are. I dunno why I even care." Edward glanced over to see Emmett furrow his brow.

"You like her?" Edward nodded, feeling like a fool. "You don't even know her though. So you're trying to figure out if you _like_ her, or if you just wanna get with her." The shrewdness of his assessment left Edward speechless for a moment. It was clear that Emmett saw a lot more than he usually let on.

"Well, yeah." He hesitated, realizing that made him sound like a total dick. Emmett's face clouded over as if he agreed.

"So you heard some stories and thought you might like a taste, that about right?" Pausing, Edward realized that wasn't it at all. He had wanted her before he ever heard any rumours about her.

"No." He scrubbed his hand over his face and through his hair again. "It's like, I know I like her, but she's so distant and shit all the time. I doubt she's interested in me, and then there's the whole thing with Jasper. It's just fucking confusing," he admitted, looking over as Emmett chuckled loudly.

"Man, you're all twisted over this shit." Edward immediately regretted ever opening his mouth.

"Look, just forget it okay? I don't know why I even mentioned it. It's not a big deal."

"It seems like a big deal…" Emmett trailed off as Edward shot him a look. "But whatever, I'm gonna go pick up Jas and play some pool. You wanna come?"

Appreciating the not so subtle subject change, Edward nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Hey, about…"

"Bella," Emmett encouraged.

"Yeah, you're not gonna…" Edward felt uncomfortable. He was asking a guy he barely knew to not mention his maybe crush to a girl who obviously didn't give a shit.

"Nah." Shaking his head and smiling widely Emmett continued, "I don't need to tell anyone that shit. Let's go."

Not knowing whether to feel concerned or relieved, he followed Emmett down to his Jeep. He had no idea what had possessed him to share with Emmett of all people, but he just felt like he could. Now he wasn't so sure that he should have.

He was lost in his thoughts again as they drove through the town, but Emmett didn't question him any further, just quietly beat boxed along with the music on the stereo. As they pulled to a stop, Edward glanced up and out the window at what, he assumed was, Jasper's home.

The house was easily the smallest and dingiest on the block. It looked in serious disrepair, the screen door hanging off its hinges, and the porch sagging on one side.

Emmett honked the horn twice without looking up, but Edward scanned the edge of the property waiting for Jasper to appear.

He walked out of the front door with his usual nonchalant stroll, but froze for a second when he saw Edward in the jeep before continuing as though nothing had happened. As he climbed into the back, he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Hey," they mumbled to each other before Emmett pulled away from the curb.

"So, Jas, good bonfire on Friday, huh?" Emmett asked.

As Edward glanced up into the rear view mirror and met Jasper's eyes, he realized that Jasper looked uncomfortable at the casual question. Jasper pulled his gaze away from Edward's and cleared his throat, again.

"Uh, yeah. It was okay, I guess. You?" Fidgeting in the back seat, Jasper avoided looking anywhere near the rear view mirror as Edward watched him.

"Yeah, me and Rosie had a great time. You guys left in a bit of a hurry. How'd you get home?"

Another innocent question, but Jasper continued to look more uncomfortable.

"Borrowed Jake's car. Bella wanted to get out of there."

"Hm, yeah. She okay? What happened?" Edward focused on Jasper in the mirror and was shocked to see him wince in response to the question before he brought his eyes directly to Edward's.

"She wouldn't tell me."

This time it was Edward who tore his eyes away at the unspoken accusation in Jasper's reply. And much like Jasper's sister earlier, he didn't look angry, but he definitely thought Edward knew the answer.

"Right. So everything's okay between you two?"

"Yep, you know how it is with us." He rolled his shoulders and ended with a shrug. Emmett barked out a laugh.

"Hell yeah, we do. Like an old married couple with none of the benefits, right?" Jasper laughed humourlessly back.

"Something like that." Edward glanced at Emmett out of the corner of his eye to see him thoughtfully nodding once again.

"I could never understand why you two just didn't get together. You sure nothing's been going on?" His tone was light, but Edward could tell from his expression that he was hoping for a serious answer. Jasper sighed deeply as he lifted his arms above his head.

"Come on, Em. You know why. That shit would never work between us. Maybe it could have once, but not now." Jasper ran his hands through his hair quickly. "Anyway man, what's with all the talk about our feelings. I thought we were going to play pool?"

"I dunno. Guess I was just curious." Emmett glanced over to Edward briefly, and Edward could have sworn that Emmett winked at him. "You know, you and Rose are pretty alike -neither of you like to talk about that shit. Must be why I love her."

"Well I'm just glad you can put up with her, dude. I know I couldn't." The atmosphere in the jeep lightened almost as soon as they stopped talking about Bella.

They spent the rest of the afternoon playing pool, hanging out, and not talking about anything of significance.

Every now and then, Edward would catch Jasper eyeing him speculatively, like he was considering something important.

No one mentioned Bella again. It was odd, almost as though there was this shroud of mystery surrounding her, and no one seemed to want to pull it back.

Edward decided that he did. He wanted to know her.

Not the rumours and gossip, not the snarky comments and cold demeanour - the real Bella. The girl he'd seen daydreaming in the rain. The one who had seemed so lost.

**A/N Thanks again to the guys at PTB and my beta's Savage Woman and Belle of the B**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - So it's been a while since my last update, but it's taken a while for the awesome people at PTB to help me get over my comma abuse! Should be back to updating new stuff regularly now though.**

**Chapter 8 **

**BPOV**

The house was silent around her yet again. Bella sat heavily in a kitchen chair, and tried to remember the last time she had actually seen her father for longer than five minutes. Or the last time she had even spoken to her mother.

She struggled.

She couldn't blame the chief too much. He'd been on his own for practically 16 years, and she didn't honestly expect him to change his ways for her.

In the back of her mind, she was often dimly aware of the way he looked at her - like it caused him physical pain. But she tried not to dwell on that, or the fact that she felt the same way every time she looked in the mirror.

Even though it wasn't her fault, she felt guilty for being a constant reminder, a reminder of everything that he had lost, and then, everything that he had tried to shut out.

She'd never really considered whether her father loved her, a detail of life that most people took for granted. The possibility of discovering that he truly didn't lingered, so it was better not to think about it at all.

Although she wouldn't say she was used to his cold indifference - as how could anyone ever really get used to that - she was grateful for its consistency. Things had never been so certain with Renee.

_Fear coiled itself tightly in Isabella's stomach as she listened to the sounds coming from her mother's bedroom. _

_It sounded like someone was hurting her. The thumps of something heavy hitting the wall between the rooms were punctuated by low moans and whispered words that she couldn't make out. _

_More than anything, she wanted to make sure her mother was okay, but she was frightened. So she burrowed deeper into her bed covers and fixed her hands firmly over her ears, trying to block out the strange noises in the darkness and her own conscience. _

_In the morning, Isabella woke up to a sharp slant of Arizona sunlight flitting across her face. The room was bright and quiet, the memories of the night before dismissed as a vague nightmare. _

_As she padded into the kitchen to fix herself a bowl of cereal to eat while she watched cartoons, she froze in the doorway. A piercing scream erupted from her throat without her permission, and she thought it might have been the loudest thing she'd ever heard. _

_The shirtless man in her kitchen dropped his coffee cup instantly as he turned to her with a startled "Fuck!"_

_At the sound of the curse, Isabella's screaming stopped. __She wasn't shocked by the word - she'd heard it plenty of times before. __But for some reason, it cut her off immediately._

_Suddenly there were footsteps behind her and a relieved giggle as her mother entered the room. _

"_Isabella, what's all the fuss about? This is just Dan, a friend of mine. Now say hello." Renee pushed Isabella toward the strange man without a second thought. _

_As she stared up and up to his face, Isabella gulped before whispering. "H…Hello." He nodded once and then carried on moving around the kitchen as though she didn't exist._

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_Bella's mom had always been the cool mom. She'd let her friends watch whatever they wanted and eat whatever they wanted. When she was little, all her friends wanted to hang out at Bella's house. _

_In the beginning, she had loved it. No one else's mother decided to pull them out of school for random road trips or stay up as late as they liked. _

_But as she got older, she realized that no one else's mother went out all night without leaving a babysitter. No one else's mother forgot to pack their lunches for school or forgot to buy groceries at all. _

_She tried as hard as she could to look after herself and to look after Renee, but her mother just seemed to resent her for it, and then, just to ignore her completely. _

The front door suddenly slammed, and Bella tensed in her chair. She hadn't even heard anyone knocking.

But with the click clack of heels on the rough wooden floor, she exhaled the breath she hadn't meant to hold.

She met Rose's eyes as they came into view, and they held none of the usual irritation or animosity she reserved for most people. All Bella saw was disquiet as Rose leant against the doorframe.

For a moment, they simply regarded each other silently until Rose expelled a deep sigh and moved forward to take the other seat, folding herself into it gracefully.

"You look like shit."

Had it been anyone else, Bella might have been surprised or even offended.

"I know."

But Rose could always tell. Even though she'd made as much of an effort to conceal it as she ever did, Rose had been the one to teach her everything she knew, and she could read her face better than anyone.

There was no doubt that Rose would instantly notice the purple stains beneath her eyes, the way her nails had been chewed to the quick, or the air of exhaustion that had settled around her.

"So are you going to tell me what the fuck happened?" Bella brought her hand to her mouth to gnaw on her nails some more, but Rosalie swiped her hand away impatiently and levelled her with a stare. Bella took a deep breath and began tracing circles on the table, her eyes following the movement of her fingertips rather than looking at her friend.

"I told Jasper how I feel. It was mortifying and painful, and needless to say, he didn't feel the same way." She chanced a look at Rose who merely rolled her eyes.

"Felt," she insisted. When Bella looked up fully, the confusion clear on her face, Rose continued, "You told Jasper how you felt, not how you feel. I've no fucking clue why, but that's not what I meant. He already told me about that."

Bella nodded dumbly. She didn't have it in her to be embarrassed that Rose already knew, she would have told her everything anyway.

"I meant what happened that made you suddenly decide to drag up all this shit?" Rose gestured at her with a look of distaste.

Bella pictured Edward's face as he backed away from her on the beach.

"Not much, it was stupid." She took in Rose's serious expression and smirked. "I guess I was just really wasted….again." Rose smiled in response, but it was that same smile she had used on the day they met, the one Bella never really believed.

"Yeah, you must have been pretty messed up to make a move on my brother. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it." Rose's lip curled, and Bella smiled a little wider.

"I dunno, Rose. I think Alice is a pretty lucky girl." Enjoying the way her friends perfectly plucked eyebrows rose in response, Bella hid her smile behind the frayed ends of her sleeves and focused on her amusement rather than the faint pain she felt in her chest at the thought of Jasper and Alice together.

"Really? He didn't mention that. I'm pretty sure she's too good for him, same as you always were." As Bella scoffed at the idea she was too good for anyone, Rose acted like she hadn't made a sound. "It shouldn't bother you though, Bells. You and Jas - that would have been a car crash."

"Hm."

Rose's blunt statement only reiterated what Jas had already told her, and she wondered what they both saw that she didn't. In her eyes, being with Jasper would have been perfect; it was already so easy.

He didn't expect anything from her, and he didn't push her. They were content to just let each other be, no matter how they fucked up.

She tried to picture Alice in her place at his side. It seemed strange that he could want someone so different from himself, and that she would want him too. But it was clear that he did.

What was it that he had said? She made him want to be better.

Bella realized that that could be the difference between herself and Alice. She didn't want him to be better than he was because she couldn't be better as well.

"Whatever. Get your skinny ass up and take me to school, Swan. We don't want to be late, now do we?"

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They were running a little late, and most people were already out of their cars and making their way into the buildings. Pulling into the parking lot always made Bella feel like everyone was staring at her. As much as she loved the comfort and reassurance of the bulky old truck, she wouldn't have minded if it was a little quieter.

As she parked and killed the engine, she glanced in her rear view mirror just in time to see Jasper and Edward walking toward the school together.

"Come on, Bells. Let's get this over with." Rosalie jumped out of the truck, pausing to check her reflection in the mirror as Bella stumbled out of her door and pulled her hoody up. While the elegant blonde strutted toward the entrance, the awkward brunette faltered behind her.

Walking into her history class, Bella avoided looking at everyone and slumped into her chair. Dropping her bag to the floor, she didn't bother to take out her textbook. Instead, she placed her notebook in front of her and wrote whatever aimless words popped into her head, sometimes letting them form the random intricacies of her thoughts.

The folded paper dropped onto her desk almost silently, and she sat staring at it in confusion.

She couldn't remember the last time someone had written her a note in class. She didn't have any classes with Rose and Jas, and she didn't really talk to anyone else enough for them to bother.

Anxiously she looked up to meet Alice's expectant face beside her. She'd completely forgotten that they shared history class.

Unfolding the note slowly, she wasn't sure what to expect. Surely anything Alice had to say could wait until lunchtime. She was greeted with Alice's tiny precise handwriting.

**Hi Bella, this might sound weird, but I was hoping that I could talk to you about something. Would you mind meeting me in the Quad at lunch? Ali x**

Reading the note through twice, Bella turned and nodded, watching as Alice's face broke into a smile.

**EPOV**

It was ten minutes into the lunch period, and there was still no sign of either Bella or Alice.

Edward played with his leather bracelet, running the thin cord around and around his wrist as he watched the door, unhearing of the chatter going on around him.

Glancing around, he noticed Jasper watching him with a wry smile.

"You ok there, Eddie?" He nodded briefly before looking back to the door. He heard Emmett chuckle, and a sound that was unmistakably Rosalie slapping the back of his head before he looked back to the table.

"Yeah, just wondering where Alice is." Jasper shot a look at the door as well, before leaning back into his chair.

"I was just thinking the same thing myself."

"Uh guys, she's probably with Bella?" Emmett shook his head at how obvious this should have been to everyone and ignored the silent look that passed between Rosalie and Jasper.

But Edward couldn't ignore it. He felt like he was missing something, like he should know why Bella and Alice had gone off together, or why Rosalie had stormed into his house over the weekend.

But really, he just wanted to see Bella again without the hard look in her eye, to make sure that they were still holding on to at least the vague friendship they had built up before the bonfire.

But the two girls never turned up.

As the bell rang, Edward sent a brief text to his sister.

**Ali, where have you been? ~ E**

The reply came back almost immediately.

**With Bella. Girl talk! See you after class ~ A**

Thinking that that definitely didn't sound good, Edward had to wait through two more periods before making his way to English.

As usual, Bella wasn't in her seat. He deliberated waiting for her in the hall but realized that if she arrived as late as she normally did, he would have no time to talk to her anyway.

Making his way to his seat, he watched another doorway for the second time that day, waiting for Bella Swan to make her appearance.

She rushed into the classroom just as Mr. Tate approached to close the door. As she moved to get out of his way, she struck her elbow harshly on the frame. Edward winced in unison with her and followed her with his eyes as she made her way to the desk.

Her expression was dazed as she sat down. Running her hands through the ends of her hair and biting her lip, she didn't bother with either the assigned text or her own book as she sat and fidgeted in her seat.

Leaning forward to try and catch her eye, Edward noticed Bella stiffen before leaning forward onto her elbow, her mass of long thick waves falling between them like a curtain.

Edward settled back in his chair. Resigned, for the time being, that she was back to acting like he didn't exist.

As the class came to an end, Edward looked over at Bella. She hadn't moved. Not once.

Her head was still cradled in her hand, angled toward the window. Her hair hung lifelessly, the tangled ends brushing the surface of the desk as she exhaled. She remained sitting as the classroom emptied and Edward continued to watch her.

Mr. Tate paused for only a moment, eyes resting on Bella, before he shook his head and waved wordlessly to Edward as he left the room.

"Bella?" Edward's voice, harsh from misuse, came out gritty and low. But she didn't turn toward it.

Coughing lightly, he tried again. "Bella? Class is over. Are you ok?"

Moving slowly, as though trapped in a fog, she turned to him, her hand dropping onto the desk as her eyes failed to take him in.

They held the same dullness he'd noticed before, as though she wasn't actually seeing what was in front of her but something entirely different.

But wherever she was lost this time, it didn't seem like she wanted to be there. While her limbs were slack on the desk, her jaw was clenched, her brows knitted together.

Reaching out gradually, Edward tried again, asking softly.

"Bella, come back."

As his fingers brushed the back of her hand on the desk, he saw a flicker of recognition pass behind her eyes as they came into focus.

When they latched onto his, the pain he saw made him swallow hard. She looked beaten, and when she spoke, it was the same defeated tone he had heard her use with Newton.

"Sorry."

Shaking his head rapidly, Edward pulled his hand back, unsure what she was apologizing for. But before he could ask, she was up and out of her seat, walking toward the door.

Edward watched her leave, unable to ask her to stay, unable to follow.

He found Alice leaning against the car in the mostly empty parking lot. She lifted up her arms as he approached.

"What took you so long?"

"Nothing, I just…" He looked around the lot swiftly and noticed Bella's truck still sitting in its usual spot. "…forgot something - had to go back to my locker." Alice nodded.

"O-kay. Everything alright?"

He shook his head quickly, attempting to dispel the haze that had settled over him.

"Yeah, I'm good. Ready to go?" Raising her eyebrows, Alice gave him a look.

"Well obviously, that's why I've been waiting for you." He realized she was still waiting for him to unlock the car and finally go home.

As they left the school, Edward watched his rear view mirror, hoping to see Bella exit and make her way to her truck. But as he pulled onto the road, there was still no sign of her, and he sighed softly but not softly enough to escape Alice's attention.

"So, Edward. I think we need to talk." Nodding her head decisively, Alice turned and looked expectantly at her brother.

"If you say so, Ali. What about?" Edward was curious and more than a little wary. Alice looked like she meant business.

"Bella." Fighting desperately to keep his expression neutral under Alice's scrutiny, Edward responded as casually as he could.

"What about her?" Chancing a look over at his sister, Edward saw her roll her eyes at him, and became aware that they were going to have this conversation, whether he wanted to or not.

"Do we have to pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about, Edward? Seriously?"

Deciding avoidance might be his best tactic, Edward made a show of focusing intently on driving and remained quiet. In response to his somewhat childish actions, Alice reached out to slap his arm with the back of her hand.

"Hey! I'm waiting?" Flinching despite the lightness of her touch, Edward rolled his own eyes this time.

"Okay, okay. No, I guess we don't have to pretend. Although I'm not sure what it is you think that you know." Alice's face displayed her confusion as her brow furrowed quizzically.

"What I think I know?" she repeated. "Is that you have a thing for Bella, and for some reason you are loathe to (1) admit that to anyone, (2) talk to me about it, and (3) make any sort of move on her." She smugly ticked off her points on her fingers. Edward groaned as it became clear that what she thought she knew was quite a lot.

"Two out of three isn't bad, I guess." Hedging his answer slightly, Edward felt like he was playing chess with a psychic as Alice thoughtfully tapped her finger against her chin.

"Well you definitely haven't told me anything, and you haven't made a move, or I would have heard about it. So you must have told someone." She raised one eyebrow as she surveyed him. "I'm going to go with – Emmett. You told Emmett."

"How do you do that?" Edward's tone was exasperated. It had always been difficult to keep anything secret from his sister, but he had thought he was doing a pretty good job on this occasion.

"It's a gift." She shrugged. "So, for a little clarification on your end, yes you have a thing for Bella, and you told Emmett about it?"

"As if I need to clarify anything for you. Yes, you could say that I have a 'thing' for Bella, and I mentioned it to Emmett the other day after Rosalie stormed into my room." Alice was suddenly quiet as she asked tentatively.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Honestly, I didn't know if there was anything to tell. I like her, but I don't think I should. Sometimes I'm not sure if she even wants to be friends with me, let alone more. Then there's the whole Jasper thing – not to mention everyone else." When he met Alice's eyes, he was surprised to see her looking irritated and slightly disappointed.

"There's nothing going on with her and Jasper, Edward." Shaking her head slowly Alice turned to look out the window. "And she's not Tanya; you shouldn't judge her like that."

Feeling his stomach drop at the name he hadn't heard in months, Edward clenched his jaw tightly.

"Can we not talk about that right now?" Alice nodded without looking back at him, and he exhaled heavily. "I know everyone says there's nothing going on between them. Shit, Emmett even asked Jas about it in front of me, and he denied it. But there's definitely something there, I mean, you saw them at the Bonfire."

"Yeah, I did, but I saw her talking to you first. What happened between you two anyway?"

Edward shrugged as he contemplated what had actually happened on the beach in the darkness away from the bonfire and struggled to figure it out for himself.

"Nothing really. We only talked for a minute before she stormed off. I'm not even sure what I said to her, or why Rosalie was so in my face about it – nothing even happened."

"Seems like a lot of drama over nothing doesn't it?" Alice seemed distracted, but Edward was inclined to agree with her.

"Yeah, it does. Drama I don't want to get involved with either." Bringing her gaze back to him Alice seemed to weigh her words carefully before speaking, something she didn't do often.

"I'd say it's a little late for that, wouldn't you?"

Opening his mouth to reply, Edward had nothing to say. It did seem a little late for that as he couldn't seem to get Bella off his mind, even when he tried.

"That's what I thought. So what are you going to do about it?" Edward hadn't been expecting the question, and he gaped at his sister again as he contemplated how to answer it.

"I don't know." He shrugged, feeling more than a little overwhelmed at the seriousness of the conversation. She was just a girl. Why did everything seem so difficult with her? Why couldn't he just ask her out or something?

"Well, you should think about it because we're hanging out at her house on Friday, and I already told her we'd be there."

"Another party?" Edward raised his eyebrows with uncertainty. He wasn't sure what would be better. The people and the atmosphere would make it easier to talk to her, but there was always the chance she could go off with someone like Newton again. The thought made his grip tighten on the steering wheel.

"Nope, just us. Hanging out, maybe a movie. Should be fun, right?" Alice looked apprehensive, as though she had made the wrong decision by agreeing to go. Edward hated that she was unsure about spending time with her new friends because of him and his ridiculous infatuation.

"Yeah, Ali. Sounds good to me." Her relief was clear as she broke into a huge smile, and he couldn't help but smile back when she seemed so happy.

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Even though he knew he wasn't, Edward felt responsible for the strange fissure that seemed to have made its way through the close-knit group.

He watched as Jasper and Bella's relationship subtly changed.

To a casual observer they would seem to be as close as ever. They still held hands as they walked the corridors, and he still draped his arm over her shoulders when they sat at lunch. But despite being rarely separated, Edward couldn't help but notice that their touches were no longer as careless as they had been. On more than one occasion, he had seen them reach out to each other only to pull back before their fingertips made contact.

His hand no longer rested on the back of her neck, idly playing with her hair, and she didn't trace patterns on his arm while he talked.

Bella remained distant from the rest of the group throughout the week, but while everyone else pretended not to see her reticence and happily discussed the coming weekend and plans to stay at her house, Edward felt even more ill at ease.

The few times he tried to talk to her, or catch her eye and smile; she looked at him with disbelief, and intermittently, disdain.

He was dreading the weekend.

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As they approached the chief's house, Edward sighed for what felt like the thousandth time, and although he felt like a melodramatic fool every time, he couldn't help it.

Alice jumped out of the car immediately and stood bouncing on her toes as Edward reluctantly followed. She had decided to bring a bag with her in case they ended up staying again, and Edward had held his tongue as she packed it, unsure of the likelihood.

The doorbell had barely rung when Emmett's voice rumbled through the thin wood.

"It's open, so get your asses in here, 'cause I ain't getting up!"

Pushing the door open and making their way into the living room, they found Rosalie and Emmett curled up on the recliner, a blanket covering their legs as they stared toward the TV. Rosalie vaguely waved a hello without turning her head.

Jasper sat on one end of the sofa, absent-mindedly tuning a guitar, glancing up to smile as they entered the room.

"Hey guys. Grab a seat." Edward watched Jasper's smile grow as Alice dropped her bag and made her way to his side. Edward paused for a moment before moving to the armchair across the room.

"Jasper, I didn't know you played guitar." Edward had to restrain himself from laughing out loud as Alice practically swooned over Jasper.

"Yeah a little." Simultaneously, a snort and a dry laugh came from the direction of the recliner, but despite the glare Jasper gave them; neither Rosalie nor Emmett looked away from the TV as they began to tease him.

"Wow, never thought I'd hear Jas be that modest about anything."

"Yeah I know babe, usually he's all 'Let me serenade you with my cowboy love songs.'"

"Hm, you're right. Maybe he's finally over that Bon Jovi thing, and he'll play something other than _Bed of Roses_ to woo Alice?" Rosalie's voice dripped with sarcasm as Emmett laughed noisily.

"I like Bon Jovi," Alice stated simply as she leaned back into the sofa. All eyes turned to her before everyone broke into laughter again.

"Who doesn't, Pix? Who doesn't?" Jasper asked as he casually put his arm around her shoulders, a self-satisfied gleam in his eye as he stared at his sister.

Edward immediately felt more at ease until he heard the voices coming from the kitchen. One strain of the laughter was deep and resonant, and the other was lilting and soft.

Bella giggled as she walked backward into the room, tripping over the edge of the rug, and laughing harder as Jake's arm reached forward to grab her. As she turned around the joy was evident on her face, but her smile fell quickly as her eyes met Edward's gaze.

She pulled up her lower lip to chew between her teeth before looking around the room. Edward dropped his head to stare at the ground as he heard Alice jump up.

"Hey, Bella." He risked another look up to see Bella smiling slightly as Alice enveloped her in a hug. She still looked slightly unaccustomed to the embrace but accepted it with a bemused grin.

Pulling back, she walked over to the sofa, collapsing in a heap, and pulling Jake down with her. The pair convulsed as his enormous frame landed on her, their laughter rasping and straining as they struggled to sit up.

Jasper stood quickly to offer Alice his seat before settling himself on the floor between her legs.

As Edward looked around the room, he felt his discomfort return. It was obvious that Bella didn't want him here, and now he was nothing but a third wheel.

He had no idea why he let Alice talk him into this.

**A/N Thanks again to my ever helpful betas Savage Woman and Belle of the Boulevard, without them this probably wouldn't be legible!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

**BPOV**

After the bonfire, bedroom, and bathroom fiasco with Jasper, there seemed to be some new unwritten rules between them.

Something had changed, and she hated it.

The distance between them felt like a gulf. He was right there, every day, walking by her side; yet she had never felt more alone.

Before, there was a comfortable ignorance and without ever having to explicitly define their relationship, they had no constraints either. But things were different now that Bella knew how Jasper felt about Alice. She couldn't reach out to touch him whenever she felt like it, as, eventually, he wouldn't be hers to touch at all.

She almost wanted to resent Alice for being the one who would finally take him away from her, but she couldn't. Because she realised how right he and Rose both were. He wasn't the one she wanted anymore.

There was only one other person who could make her forget everything else just by being in the same room with her – Jacob. He was like her own private sun, warming her from the inside out. And although she was distantly aware that not even Jacob was laughing as much as she was, Bella couldn't seem to stop.

Until she looked into Edward's eyes.

The green was intense and dark, the crease in his brow deep. It seemed perfectly obvious to her that he didn't want to be here.

Bella wished she could say that she didn't want him to be there either, but the truth was that she did, and seeing him look at her like that made her ache.

She'd tried not to become completely infatuated with him as he slowly but surely solidified himself as a part of their group,

She tried not to notice every movement he made, or hang off every word that he spoke.

But it was pointless.

It didn't help matters that Edward was perfect; not literally perfect, but still, close enough.

Edward Cullen was self- assured without being cocky, protective without being overbearing, and intelligent without being pretentious. And he was constantly self-deprecating, almost as if he were embarrassed by how gorgeous he was.

What made it even worse was that sometimes he seemed to like her. He laughed at her stupid comments and smiled at her when their eyes met. But his attempts at friendship just made her feel even more inadequate.

She was sure that he was only being nice to her because she was there -- a part of the group he and Alice had joined.

Even though she knew it was impossible. That he would never look at her in the way she hoped, she couldn't help wanting it.

Clearly, he was completely unobtainable to someone like Bella.

It was probably that yearning she had had for him to want her, the need to find out if there was the remotest chance that he ever could that made her approach him at the bonfire. So from now on, she was trying to keep her distance.

Only half-paying attention to the conversation around her while alternating between trying not to stare at Edward and openly gazing at him, Bella didn't notice the way Rose watched her. Or the expression of incredulity clearly evident on Rose's face.

Curling herself into Jake's side to watch whatever ridiculous movie Em picked for them, Bella would usually have found herself drifting off almost immediately. Images of the past flooding her mind as she tried to fight off another bout of endless lethargy.

She kept waiting for it to happen, but it didn't.

Sneaking glances at Edward, listening to Rose and Em gripe at each other, and the soothing beat of Jakes heart against her ribs, made her feel dazed, but she was still here.

A giggle escaped her at the foreignness of the feeling, and she caught Jas's eye, his eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. From his side Alice grinned at her cheekily, and for an instant, Bella felt what it might have been like to have been one of those girls she always detested.

Sharing a secret with a friend and giggling about the boys they liked.

She couldn't help but smile back.

As she registered a faint prickling on the back of her neck, Bella turned to look at Edward. The soft smile on his face, so different from his earlier scowl, widened at her expression, his eyes lightening.

She didn't know what he was looking at that would make him look so happy, but she wished she could see him smile like that all the time.

"Bella."

Snapping her head back to look at Rose, Bella saw her friend's eyes narrowed in thought before she raised her eyebrows almost imperceptibly.

"Smoke?"

As she nodded briefly, Bella hoped that Edward might look at her again, but he remained focused intently on the TV as she followed Rose through the kitchen.

Settling into her swing in the backyard and wrapping her arms around herself, she watched her plumes of breath in the cold as she waited for Rose to pass her a cigarette.

"Okay, it's time to cut the bullshit, Bells. I wanna know what's going on with you, and I wanna know now." Her eyes wide with surprise at Rose's abrupt question, Bella shook her head.

"What are you talking about?" Swallowing hard as Rose's eyes bulged slightly, her icy exterior wavering for once. Bella felt nerves fluttering in her stomach.

"What am I talking about?" Practically shouting the words in her incredulity, Rose's hands gestured at Bella vaguely. "You - acting even weirder than usual. And for me to notice, it's got to be pretty fucking obvious. I mean, you're sitting in there salivating over Edward like a fat guy at McDonalds."

Even as she laughed at Rose's description, she felt the blush rise to her cheeks instantly.

"Are you blushing right now? Are you fucking kidding me? You never blush anymore." Rose stomped quickly toward her and grabbed the rope of the swing in her hands, shaking it roughly and jokingly demanding, "Who are you and what have you done with Bells?"

Pretending to cower until Rose backed away, Bella looked up with a smile as their laughter petered out.

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" As Rose slowly nodded, Bella could feel her blush intensify further as she raised her hands to hide. "Crap, that's really fucking embarrassing Rose."

Hearing her friend snort, Bella risked opening her fingers, revealing one eye to her friend.

"Yeah, it kind of is. You must really like him, huh? I've never seen you like this." Rose lifted her eyebrow, questioning Bella's behaviour.

"I don't fucking know. Can everyone tell? I feel like a complete idiot right now!" With a horrible thought, Bella's hands dropped to her lap as the colour started to drain from her face. "Do you think he knows?"

"Doubtful. Apparently he thinks you hate him, and I'm not too surprised."

"Why?" Bella struggled to think of anything she could have done to make him think that, but Rose just rolled her eyes.

"Because, Bells. You don't talk to him. Until tonight, I don't think I've ever seen you look at him when you weren't shitfaced. If you like him, you might have to do more than stare at him from across the room hoping he won't catch you." Rose hesitated, biting her lip in an uncharacteristic show of nerves. "He likes you too, you know. Maybe it's time to let someone else in a bit."

Bella dropped her gaze to watch as her sneaker toed divots in the mud.

"Yeah, right. Why would he be interested in me? I'm just trying not to make a fool of myself in front of him again." She tried to play it off as a joke, but her voice sounded small and unsure. A part of her wanted to believe that Rose could be right, but it just seemed so unlikely.

With yet another roll of her eyes, Rose huffed out a breath in frustration. "You really have no idea do you? Why wouldn't he like you, Bells? You're freaking amazing. Now go in there and talk to him. You know. Be the Bella you are with me and Jas."

"You think I wouldn't if I could? You think I want to be like this?" Drawing in a shaky breath, she looked up to catch the twinge of pain pass across her friend's face before closing her eyes. "It's fucking hard, Rose. This is easier. You know that"

_Although she'd only known them a few weeks, Rosalie and Jasper had quickly become the most important people in her life. _

_Rose was awesome, and Bella meant that in the literal sense of the word; she actually inspired awe. Everyone wanted to be like Rosalie, that much was obvious. She was beautiful and confident, and she didn't give a shit about what anyone thought. But the thing that impressed Bella the most was it was all an act. _

_She was just as scared and insecure as everyone else. She just hid it better. _

_Bella was insanely jealous of that. She couldn't hide anything from anyone. At the slightest word, her cheeks would flush red or tears would threaten to fall. It was humiliating to feel so exposed all the time. _

_It took longer than it should have for Bella to put the pieces together. At first, like everyone else, she had seen only the image, the carefully constructed façade. She failed to understand what this amazing confident girl could possibly see in her. Why she had chosen to befriend Bella Swan of all people._

_But Rosalie had seen something in her. _

_Occasionally Bella could see the pain in Rose's eyes, and although sometimes it was difficult to tell if it was simply a reflection of her own or something deeper inside Rosalie, it was real either way. _

_Rose taught her how to fake it. How to act like she didn't give a shit what anyone thought either. It worked better than she could ever have hoped. With Rose by her side, Bella felt stronger. She still cared what people thought and what they said about her, but together they kept up a front, and they seemed untouchable. _

_Bella had never felt like that before. It was intoxicating and addictive. _

_Even if it was a lie, it was better than the alternative. Better than the truth of what they felt._

Feeling a weight on her legs, Bella opened her eyes to see Rose, her perfect beautiful friend, kneeling in the mud in front of her. Rose took Bella's face in her hands.

"I know. But just because something is hard, doesn't mean it isn't worth it. Is he worth it?" Cocking her head to the side, Rose didn't wait for an answer. "Now how about that smoke? I think we need it."

**EPOV**

Resolutely refusing to watch Bella leave the room, Edward kept his gaze firmly on the TV, his concentration only broken by Emmett and Alice's snickers.

Both stared at him as they tried to contain themselves. Jasper looked intrigued, while Jake just appeared baffled.

"What?" he asked irritably. Exchanging a glance, Alice and Emmett couldn't stifle their amusement and both laughed out loud.

Jasper merely smiled as though he'd just figured something out, and Jake shrugged helplessly before turning back to the TV. Without meaning to, Edward looked momentarily toward the kitchen.

"Good God, man! Get a hold of yourself!" The disappointment and disgust in Emmett's voice was convincing, but the huge dimples on display gave him away as Alice didn't even try to contain her glee.

"Why don't you take a picture, Edward? That way you can take it home with you."

Barking out a laugh that he immediately tried to conceal with a cough, Jasper met Edward's eyes and shrugged apologetically. "Dude, seems like they might have a point."

"Whatever."

Knowing full well that he was sulking, Edward pulled himself out of his seat and made his way up stairs to the bathroom.

Normally it wouldn't have bothered him, but he was finding it hard to see the funny in the fact that the girl he was so obviously hung up on, couldn't stand to look at him for longer than five seconds.

It was irritating that everyone else seemed to find it so entertaining when he'd never felt this infatuated with anyone before, and it was starting to freak him out. The idea of a picture of Bella he could take home and study for hours had actually sounded good for a fraction of a second, before he remembered he wasn't a stalker.

At least, not yet.

Pausing on the landing, Edward leaned toward the room on his left, the door ajar, bargaining with himself.

_If it's the Chief's room, I'm going straight back downstairs. If it's Bella's and the door's open, I'm sure she wouldn't mind…_

With the faint hint of strawberries and freesias drifting toward him, he reached his hand out to push the door open fully and took in the small space.

The non-descript, bare walls caught his attention first. The stained magnolia looked old and tired, and at first glance, you wouldn't have thought it belonged to a teenager.

Piles of organized clutter covered every surface - books, CDs, clothes. Nothing was put away, but it didn't seem messy in a typical way. With the bed unmade, and the curtains closed it seemed as if she'd woken up late and rushed to leave on time. But that didn't seem like Bella. From what he could tell, she was late for everything, and she didn't care enough to rush.

A bulletin board behind the door caught his attention.

A tiny Bella in a pretty dress with an older woman, probably her grandma.

Another, grinning widely at the camera with a gaping hole in her teeth.

A shot of a beautiful woman gazing into the distance had to be Bella's mother.

The others were shots of Rose, Jasper, and Emmett, dotted around with ticket stubs, beer mats, magazine articles.

None of the elusive Chief and none of Bella as a teenager.

Moving across to an overflowing bookshelf, he could see well-worn classics, _Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, _and_ Jane Eyre_ - not the sort of books he would associate with Bella - mixed in with contemporary novels, children's books, poetry and philosophy.

Grabbing a familiar book and perching on the end of the bed, Edward couldn't reconcile the beautiful defiant girl with these few discordant fragments of her life. Lost in his thoughts, he failed to hear the light footsteps on the stairs.

The disturbance of the air made the pages flicker and Edward looked up to see Bella watching him from the doorway. Feeling sheepish at having been caught in her room, he stood quickly, and Bella instinctively took a step backward at his movement.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just barged in. I was just curious."

Edward watched while Bella immediately shifted her gaze to the floor as he knew she would. But he hadn't expected the flush that crept up her cheeks or the way she began to stutter out her words.

"Uh..hm," she coughed and rolled her eyes, and it occurred to Edward that she seemed nervous. "Curious about what?"

As she lifted her eyes there was no hard edge, no blankness, and no dull glaze. Just warm chocolate brown looking earnestly back at him. He had no idea what had changed, but Bella seemed to have let her guard down for the first time.

Feeling completely disarmed, Edward blurted unthinkingly, "You." He internally kicked himself as she tore her gaze away, looking anywhere but at him, and making her way to the bookcase. Now that she was finally talking to him, he didn't want her to stop. He didn't want to see that blank mask return when she looked at him.

"Did _Alice in Wonderland_ help you with that at all?" From her profile, he could see her small smile as she chewed on her lip, the red in her cheeks becoming more defined. Edward wanted to reach out to that warmth with his fingertips but was afraid that it might burn him.

"Not really. My mom read it to us as kids - mainly for Alice. When she was little she thought that it was about her. She always asked to hear 'her' story." Smiling a little at the memory, Edward shook his head. "She was so bossy, though; she always seemed more like the Queen of Hearts to me."

"I could see that." With a nod, Bella added, "I was always more like Alice."

"Really? That doesn't seem like you." Her smile faltered for only a second before she responded.

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't." Turning to see Edward's confused expression, Bella seemed to consider him as though seeing him for the first time. "Alice is in her Wonderland. That's what I feel like, like this is the rabbit hole, and I don't know how to get out."

For the first time since they met Bella didn't look away or make a sarcastic comment. She just looked back at him, and Edward felt like he was seeing her for the first time as well.

Her eyes were red and bloodshot, the dark smudged eye makeup just a distraction from the purple bruises she had tried to hide underneath.

Her full red lips were raw and chapped.

Her skin was almost too pale over her delicate frame, and she was thinner than he had originally noticed.

She looked back at him, unsure, and all vestiges of the isolated acerbic girl were gone. Her honesty made her suddenly vulnerable.

She was more beautiful than he had ever seen her.

He felt his fingers intertwine with hers before he realized he had moved. Her startled expression caused his heart to jump into his throat, making him think he had made a mistake and misjudged the situation.

Rather than pulling back, she smiled fully; and although her blush returned in force, she still didn't look away.

Edward wished for a moment that he could think of something meaningful to tell her. To let her know he understood, but he wasn't sure that he really did understand everything. There was still so much he didn't know about her.

He just didn't have the words.

He did know that he wanted to see her face light up like that every day, and that holding her hand felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Taking a step closer, he saw Bella's eyes widen in surprise and, what he hoped was, anticipation.

Edward had never felt this nervous with anyone before, but he knew that he had to kiss her. With an audible swallow, he became aware of the slight dampness between their hands and wondered fleetingly whether it was his or Bella's before their lips met.

Her lips froze against his for a second before moving softly, and Edward was suddenly swept up in the feel of this strange girl, as though his senses had finally awakened.

Crushing her against him, Edward could feel Bella's heart pounding against his chest, the staccato rhythm matching his own. Letting his hands circle her waist and gripping her hips tightly, he was instantly conscious of the heat of her body and her delicate curves almost too close.

The feel of her lips was unlike anything he'd felt before. The warmth and reality of Bella immediately eclipsed the sticky cool gloss of every other girl that came before her. He could feel every crack of dryness along her lips, but it just made the experience more tangible.

He was caught up in the taste and smell of her. Beneath the superficial scent of strawberries, the deeper scent of cinnamon and warmth and Bella mingled with the foreign bitterness of nicotine and pot.

As her small fingers clenched tightly into his hair, Edward moaned involuntarily and was met by the light response of Bella sighing into him.

"Bells, what the fuck are you doing up here?" Pulling back immediately at the sound of Rose's voice, Bella's hand rose automatically to touch her lips as Rose walked through the door. "Did you find me something to –"

Stopping abruptly at the sight before her, Rosalie's jaw dropped fractionally, and Edward reluctantly dropped his hands from Bella's waist and stepped back.

Bella's lips were swollen and even more coloured than usual. Edward could only imagine the state of his hair as Bella had been running her hands through it. Rosalie's shock quickly transformed into a smirk as she answered her own question.

"I'll take that as a no. You seem to have got a bit side tracked." Arching her eyebrow and looking from Bella to Edward and back again, she crossed her arms and waited.

Running his hand through his hair in a futile attempt to control it and taking a moment to calm himself, Edward waited for Bella's response. Not knowing which Bella would answer, he was curious to see whether it would be a timid reply or a scathing joke.

Glancing over at her, Edward realized it would be neither as her hand was still raised absently to her lips. Bella was frozen. Sensing her discomfort he instinctively reached for her hand again.

"Yeah, that would be my fault, Rose. I wanted to see Bella's room." He fought to contain a smirk as Bella began to fidget beside him, and Rose took in their clasped hands. "I'll stop monopolizing her now."

Giving Bella's hand a final brief squeeze before letting go, Edward smiled at Bella as he left; the room behind him in complete silence.

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Edward felt everyone's eyes on him as he walked back into the living room, and even though he tried, he couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face as he dropped himself back into the abandoned armchair.

The sound of Emmett clearing his throat loudly made him finally make eye contact with everyone. Alice's eyes were wide, but she looked unmistakeably smug. Jasper had one eyebrow cocked in a question while Emmett just shook with silent laughter.

With a strange sense of déjà vu, Edward repeated himself.

"What?"

"You look a little happier than before, Edward. That's all." Alice had put on that sweetly, innocent voice she always used with their parents, and it made Edward instantly suspicious that the three of them had been talking about Bella and him.

Taking a look at Jake, Edward was surprised at the stare he was receiving. For the first time since they had met, Jake didn't look like the comfortable guy he had come to expect. His eyes were narrowed in distrust, and Edward became immediately more aware of Jake's impressive stature than he ever had before.

Working harder to tone down his enthusiasm over what had just happened with Bella, Edward turned back to his sister with a shrug.

"I don't know what you mean. I was fine before." Attempting to communicate with his sister silently, Edward hoped she would realise that he wanted her to drop it. He relaxed into his seat when she nodded briefly.

"Like hell you were man!" Edward's relief was short lived as he remembered that Emmett didn't seem to have any kind of filter for this sort of thing. "You were all pissy and shit. Then you go upstairs with Bella for like ten minutes and come back down smiling like the Cheshire cat!"

Edward was unable to restrain his surprise at the coincidence of Emmett's description and snorted out a laugh before clamping his hand over his mouth and acting like nothing had happened.

Jake was now outright glaring at him from one end of the sofa as Alice, Jas, and Emmett stared at him in confusion. Ignoring all of them, Edward turned back to the movie that no one seemed to be paying any attention to and waited for everyone to let it go.

It seemed like forever before he heard the sounds of footsteps and voices descending the stairs and he looked up expectantly, waiting for Bella to come into view.

Rosalie walked in first, shooting Edward a look that he couldn't interpret before draping herself all over Emmett.

Bella followed her into the room slowly, her expression still slightly dazed as she stopped in the doorway. Looking first at Jasper, she continued around the room, pausing briefly at Jake before her gaze finally settled on Edward.

When she unconsciously licked her lips, Edward gave her a half smile, not wanting to appear too eager but desperately wanting her to move over to him.

Returning the smile shyly, Bella seemed to make a decision and began walking across the room toward him. As she passed the sofa, Jake reached out to grab her hand with his own, and she paused again.

"Saved you a seat, Bells." Gesturing to the space, Jacob pulled Bella down gently onto the sofa beside him. She seemed to resist for only a moment, but her eyes never moved from Edward's.

As she sat awkwardly next to Jake, she gradually dropped her gaze, and Edward felt his smile falter at the loss of connection between them. Unaware of the quiet that had descended over the room, Edward waited for Bella to look at him again, optimistic that this time she wouldn't look away and avoid him.

Bella was so hard to figure out that Edward never quite knew where he stood, but he was certain that she must have felt the same thing he had when they kissed.

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to peek at Edward through her eyelashes, and he felt the grin return to his face in full force as their eyes met again. He was rewarded with the faint pinking of her cheeks, a faded reminder of her reaction to him in her bedroom.

Noting with dissatisfaction that Jacob still had a hold of her hand, Edward tried not to let it get to him throughout the rest of the night.

He knew that he wanted Bella, and after their kiss, he was pretty sure that she wanted him too. He didn't plan on letting anything get in the way of that.

**A/N It's actually a new chapter! Thanks as always to Savage Woman and Belle of the Boulevard for for their awesome beta skills. **

**If you feel like leaving a review....I'd love to hear it. Thanks.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – **

**EPOV**

Edward was restless. Over the weekend he had developed a nervous energy that he couldn't contain, and it seemed to be driving his family crazy.

For some unknown reason he woke up at 6:00 am - on a Sunday. It was unprecedented.

Eight hours later, he wasn't exactly moping around the house, but as he walked from room to room, trying to find a way to make the time go faster, he definitely became more aggravated.

As he entered the kitchen for the fifth time, he let out a loud sigh and dropped himself heavily onto one of the kitchen stools. Moving his legs back and forth, he began to tap on the side of the counter with his toes.

Da dum, da dum, da dum.

Looking around the room and finding nothing to occupy his attention, he sighed again.

"Edward! If you don't stop with that tapping right now, I will have to kill you. And I know your father won't be too pleased about losing his first born, but trust me, he'll get over it."

Freezing at the sound of his mother's exasperated tone, Edward slowly lowered his feet to rest on the stool and waited for her to turn around from her place at the stove. Esme approached him with a wooden spoon in hand, and for a second, he thought she might hit him with it.

"Now, shut up and try this. Then you can tell me what's going on with you."

Leaning forward warily, Edward blew on the spoon before trying some of the sauce his mother was offering.

"Hmm," he murmured half-heartedly, "It's good, Mom."

"Good?" Esme turned back to the stove and dropped the spoon into the sauce before taking a seat across from her son. "Just good? Okay, spill. What's up with you this weekend?"

"Nothing, Mom. I'm just a little bored."

Esme just watched him for a moment, taking in the jiggling of his leg and the way he kept gnawing on his fingernails or running his hands through his hair.

"Bored?" The disbelief in her question was clear. Edward was never bored. Even if he had no plans, he was always perfectly happy to while away hours by himself, reading or playing his music. "No homework?"

"Done."

"Nothing to work on at the piano?"

"I don't feel like it."

"Run out of interesting books to read as well, I suppose?"

"Nothing's holding my attention. I can't seem to concentrate on the words."

"Alice!" The sudden volume of his mother's voice made Edward start in surprise, and when he opened his mouth, she just waved him away absently.

"Yeah Mom?" Alice entered the kitchen quickly as though she was waiting to be called.

"There's something wrong with your brother." Edward's jaw dropped as Alice just rolled her eyes.

"Well obviously. Anything specific though?" As both his mother and sister turned to him, one with a look of curiosity and the other with a devilish glint in her eye, he was suddenly worried about where this conversation might lead.

"He won't tell me, but he's been under my feet all day. So unless you can fill me in, you'll have to entertain him for the rest of the day."

"No thanks. He's already been in my room three times today." Alice glanced at her brother and smiled. "Maybe it's a girl." She shrugged nonchalantly like the idea had just occurred to her, and Edward wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to be an only child.

"A girl?" Esme's head whipped back and forth between the two of them, before settling on Edward. "What girl? Who is she? What's she like?"

The rapid fire questions were making his head spin, and he shot a dark look at his sister as she giggled.

"Mom! Calm down. She doesn't know what she's talking about." Stopping in the middle of her barrage, Esme studied her two children carefully.

"So there's no girl?" Alice raised her eyebrows as if to say, "I've said my piece."

"I'm just a little fed up, that's all. Small town life's taking some getting used to." Edward stretched as he stood and began to leave the room. "I mean, I'm actually looking forward to going to school tomorrow."

The two gasps rang out in perfect unison from behind him, and Edward realized his mistake instantly. His mother's voice rang out clearly as he walked away.

"Oh, there's definitely a girl. I look forward to meeting her soon."

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Pulling into the parking lot ten minutes earlier than usual, Edward was wide awake as he scanned the few occupied bays for the lumbering red truck.

"She's not here, Edward. You know she's never early. So why do we have to be early?" Leaning forward to rest her chin in her hand, Alice looked around the lot for herself. "See?"

"Can you just give me a break for a bit, Ali?" The teasing from his family had been merciless for the rest of the weekend; his dad and Alice were a formidable team.

Yet, underneath the teasing, they all seemed pleased. He kept catching his mom looking at him with a gentle smile, and she kept finding excuses to hug him or touch his arm. Edward knew he had been difficult for the past six months, but from the look of happiness on his mother's face, he obviously hadn't realized how much they had been worried about him.

"I will." Alice paused as Emmett's jeep pulled into the lot. "But I don't know about those guys. It's pretty obvious, Edward, and Emmett seems to be enjoying himself with this."

As she jumped out of the car with a wave and started making her way over to their new friends, Edward followed with slight reluctance. He knew she was right.

"Eddie! So ,do we finally get some details out of you?" Emmett shouted when Edward was still half way across the lot.

Shaking his head, Edward replied, "There's nothing to tell man." Alice edged up toward Jasper, and Edward watched as he lifted his arm to rest over her shoulders as though they had been doing it for years.

Edward felt a slight twinge of envy at the ease with which they had settled into each other and wondered why things couldn't be that simple with Bella.

"He wouldn't tell me anything either. We'll just have to ask Bella." Alice looked up at Emmett and Jasper for approval as they both nodded.

"Hmm, I suppose so, Pix. Though she's not particularly chatty about these things either." Jasper squinted into the distance as a faint rumbling gradually became more persistent until Bella's truck appeared from around the corner.

"Yeah, it took me nearly half an hour to get it out of her." Everyone turned just in time to see Rosalie turn her back to them and disappear in the direction of the Quad.

"What the fuck?" Shaking his head, Emmett watched his girlfriend walk away. "That's just wrong. She never tells me shit." Pouting like a little kid, Emmett started to follow behind Rosalie. After a moment, Jasper and Alice began to walk away too.

Edward watched as Bella parked her truck across two bays, and leaned her head against the window. He waited for her to get out as people started making their way inside the building.

She finally moved just as the bell rang, cracking the window as she lit a cigarette.

Realizing she wasn't going to be moving anytime soon, Edward turned to walk into the school for first period. With a backward glance, he stopped.

"Fuck it," he muttered to himself as he jogged over to the truck and knocked on the window quickly before opening the door and climbing in.

Bella turned to watch him with wide eyes, the cigarette dangling from her fingertips as though she had forgotten it was there.

"So, Bella. Are we ditching today?" He raised one eyebrow and smiled at her.

Seeming to shake herself out of a stupor, Bella turned away from him to look out the window.

"What do you want, Edward?" she sighed out the words as though he was wasting her time and didn't even bother looking back at him.

"I noticed you weren't coming into school, and I thought you might want some company." Edward tried to keep his tone light. Although he wasn't entirely surprised by her reaction, he was disappointed.

"Why?" She dropped the cigarette out the window and swivelled in her seat to face him but wouldn't meet his eyes.

"You know why." Edward tilted his head to try and force her to look at him, but as she moved to continue staring out of the window, he sighed. "Look, I'm tired of you trying to stay away from me, Bella."

Darting her head up immediately, Edward smiled again at the look of shock on Bella's face and at the blush that was starting to become familiar to him.

"But your fucking mood swings are giving me whiplash."

Choking out a laugh, Bella shook her head in disbelief and turned back to the front of the truck and, without responding, turned the key in the ignition.

**BPOV**

Her hands were shaking so badly that she couldn't finish smoking her cigarette and had to throw it out of the window.

Driving was distracting. Bella knew she shouldn't look at him as she pretended to concentrate on the road, which was a perfect excuse not to.

With her hands clamped down on the steering wheel, the shaking started to subside as well. But her palms were still damp, and she was biting down on her bottom lip almost painfully to keep her composure.

Bella kept opening her mouth to say something, but her mind was drawing a complete blank. It was a strange situation. Usually Bella always had something to say; a witty comeback, a strong opinion. It was only when she opened her mouth to actually say them that things started going wrong. Which was why she didn't usually bother.

But it was different with Edward . When she looked at him, she couldn't focus on anything else, and the nerves that were normally just uncomfortable, became debilitating in an entirely new way.

The silence in the cab of the truck was making Bella uneasy, and although Edward seemed fine as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, she felt the pressure for small talk building on her.

Normal people would be chatting by now, making idle conversation and getting to know each other better. Bella fumbled desperately through her thoughts for something to say, something interesting and insightful, but came up short.

As a last resort she grabbed her iPod from her bag and tossed it onto the seat between them.

"Music?"

Edward just hummed in response and began scrolling through her playlists, concentration clear on his face, and Bella couldn't help but smile as he made inadvertent noises in reaction to her choices.

After a couple of minutes, Bella began to worry when he still hadn't picked anything to listen to.

"Are you gonna plug that in or just read it all day?" She tried to make it sound blithe and teasing, but her voice sounded sharp to her ears.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just intrigued by your tastes." As he leaned forward to plug the iPod in to her ancient stereo, he shot her that same crooked smile he'd used before, and Bella felt her insides twist and tingle. "I think eclectic would be an understatement."

Before she could respond, the music started. Bella always drove with the volume cranked up. She hadn't bothered to turn it down before cutting the engine, and she laughed as Edward jumped out of his seat at the sudden volume blaring out of the speakers.

When she recognized the music, her smile broadened. He had managed to pick one of her favorite songs - and one she could never help but sing along with.

_Hello _

_I've waited here for you _

_Everlong _

_Tonight _

_I throw myself into _

_And out of the red, out of her head she sang _

_Come down _

_And waste away with me _

_Down with me _

_Slow how _

_You wanted it to be _

_I'm over my head, out of her head she sang_

At first she sang quietly along with the familiar lyrics, but behind the wheel of her truck, Bella always felt in control, free of all the things that usually weighed her down. By the time they reached the chorus, she was yelling the lyrics as they sped down the road.

_And I wonder _

_When I sing along with you _

_If everything could ever feel this real forever _

_If anything could ever be this good again _

_The only thing I'll ever ask of you _

_You've got to promise not to stop when I say when _

_She sang_

As the music slowed back down into the verse, Bella immediately became self-conscious, and risked a look over at Edward to see his reaction to her outburst.

His head tilted back against the seat, eyes closed, and hands drumming on his knees, Edward sang along just as carelessly.

Opening his eyes just as they reached the chorus, Edward smiled widely and raised one eyebrow at Bella in a silent question, and she couldn't help but grin back as they both began to sing again.

_And I wonder _

_When I sing along with you _

_If everything could ever feel this real forever _

_If anything could ever be this good again _

_The only thing I'll ever ask of you _

_You've got to promise not to stop when I say when _

_She sang _

As the song faded out, Edward reached forward to turn down the volume and smirked at Bella.

"Foo Fighters, huh? Good to know." As Bella raised her eyebrows in confusion, Edward shook his head with a chuckle. "Anything that makes you look that happy… it's good to know about."

Bella could feel the blush start to creep up her cheeks at his words and instantly wished that she could hide it. Hide from him and the things he said, things that just made her feel ridiculous and unworthy.

Shrinking back into her seat and allowing her hair to fall between them, Bella settled for what little obscurity she could get.

Focusing on the road, she felt the current in the air just before his fingertips touched her, gently sweeping her hair back to rest behind her ear.

"Hey, stop hiding from me." His voice was soft and almost pleading, but Bella had been rendered speechless by the tender touch of his finger on her skin, and she managed only to nod her head in response. "Okay." Fighting the urge to look at him again, Bella bit her lip as the low sultry sound of his laughter enveloped her. "So, where are we going anyway?"

Taking a deep breath Bella tried not to stutter as she answered.

"Umm, well there's not much to do in Forks. I, uh, I usually just go somewhere quiet." Bella swallowed audibly and rolled her eyes as she realized how dull she sounded. "You know, read, listen to music."

"Yeah, I get that. So, where exactly?" Relieved that he wasn't bored with her already, Bella felt a little more confident.

"Just wait and see."

"Okay." Without another word, Edward settled back in his seat and watched the greenery outside his window pass by in a blur.

A while later, Bella turned into a barely visible dirt road, slowing down as her truck bounced over bumps and through puddles. Edward moved forward to try and figure out where they were headed. As the forest around them became denser and the road darkened, Edward turned to Bella, a cautious look in his eyes.

"You sure you know where you're going?"

"Calm down, city boy. I know exactly where I'm going."

"Really? 'Cause that looks like a dead end up ahead." Bella leaned forward in a mirror image of Edward's anxious pose and hunched over the steering wheel.

"Oh my God, you're right!" Exclaiming in mock surprise, Bella turned to Edward with a sly smile. "It does _look_ like a dead end."

Slowing down even further, Bella edged toward the wall of foliage in front of the truck and gradually began to push through.

"What the fuck?" Edward laughed as Bella continued to forge her way through the leaves. "It's like going through nature's carwash."

"I know." Bella giggled at his description, having thought the same thing time and again herself. It felt just like going through the carwash as a kid: the faint claustrophobia of the water and cloths draping over the car, the nerves warring with the excitement as to when you would make it to the other side. Everything was echoed by the opaque leaves.

Sunlight began to appear almost immediately as the truck inched its way through, pushing the foliage aside to reveal the dusty grey sky and, in the distance, the steel shaded expanse of the ocean.

Cutting out the engine, Bella turned to take in Edward's dumb stuck expression.

"Wow." With his eyes wide and jaw hanging, Edward stared at the horizon. "How did you find this place?"

"We didn't really," Bella shrugged, "More like we rediscovered it. Jacob's dad had always told him about this perfect bluff, and how the road was hidden from all the locals. He used to boast that only the tribal elders knew how to get here, and that none of the kids on the Rez would ever find it. So, obviously, Jake made it a personal mission to find it."

Smiling as she recalled Jake's amazement when he had finally found it and dragged her up to the point immediately, Bella looked around the familiar spot.

"As far as I know, we're still the only ones who know how to get here. Just the five of us."

"Six now." Edward's eyes were strangely intense, and Bella was suddenly hesitant and uncertain as to why she had brought him here. Trying to play it off as inconsequential, she smirked and looked away from his face.

"Not really, if I thought you'd be able to find your way back, I probably wouldn't have brought you." Looking back just in time to see the disappointment fill his eyes, Bella immediately regretted her words but couldn't think of a way to take them back.

"Sure." He nodded. "Well, I better take a look around while I have the chance then."

As he left the truck and began to approach the edge of the bluff, Bella opened her door and climbed onto the hood of her truck. Resting her back against the windscreen and wrapping her hoody tightly around herself, she watched him.

She still couldn't quite believe that he was here; that Edward Cullen had voluntarily followed her; that for some reason she couldn't fathom, he seemed to want to spend the day with her.

Reaching the tip of the bluff, he leaned out slowly, confident in his grace, to take in the drop. Despite his apparent ease, Bella found herself anxiously tensing and clenching her fists until he righted himself and simply stood looking out at the view.

With a sigh of relief, she relaxed back into the window and just took him in.

Even though she had been trying to fight it and stop herself from staring shamelessly at Edward whenever she could, now that she had the opportunity, she was making the most of it.

Even from this distance, she could clearly make out the definition in his arms as he raised them to run his fingers through his hair. His broad shoulders tapered into a narrow waist as the simple t-shirt he wore rippled in the sea air, highlighting his lean and toned form.

Bella's gaze drifted lower to the loose and faded denim of his jeans slung dangerously low on his hips, as always, a thin band of tempting underwear on show.

It was obvious that Edward didn't really care what he wore. Casual and comfortable, he always looked damn good, but the fact that he seemed to barely make any effort, made him all the more attractive.

As the sparse sunlight glinted through his bronze hair, she couldn't help but remember how soft it had felt gripped in her hands, and how she wanted to be the one to make it messy like that every day.

Remembering the feel of his hair brought back other memories from their kiss, and Bella's hand again rose unconsciously to run her fingers along her lips as though to relive the sensations.

When he turned his head to the side to glance along the edge of the cliff to where she sat, he shot her that same crooked grin, and Bella would have sworn that had she been standing, her knees would have gone weak.

Just before he started walking back, it vaguely occurred to her that it should be illegal for someone to look that good all the time. It just wasn't fair to everyone else.

Stopping at the hood of the truck, he smirked at her position. Her breath actually caught when he lifted himself up and crawled along the hood toward her before he turned to lay at her side.

"You don't like the view up here?" he asked as he settled beside her, close enough that Bella could feel the strange vibrations between them. The ones that made her skin itch to have him touch her.

"No, I like the view a lot. But I can see it from back here I don't need to stand right at the edge." Edward smiled knowingly at her, and Bella felt that haze of confusion settle over her again as she stared into his eyes. When his fingers scratched along the faint stubble on his chin, she suddenly had the insane urge to lick along his jaw line.

"So, you don't like the edge then?" Pulling her eyes away from his face and back over the cliff she shrugged. "Are you afraid of heights? Because I promise, I won't let you fall."

"No, I'm not afraid of falling; that's kind of the problem." Realizing she was sounding a little macabre, Bella lightened her tone. "Besides, I promised Jas I wouldn't go down there anymore."

Edward moved closer to her, and she could feel his eyes on her as she continued to look out at the ocean in the distance.

"Why?" The simple question seemed loaded and heavy, and Bella wondered what he was really asking her.

"Because. The guys on the Rez go cliff diving all the time, and one night I decided I wanted to try it."

"What happened?" She could almost feel the concern in Edward's voice, and she hoped for a moment that it would ground her in the here and now as she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

"_Bells? Bells! Where are you?" _

_Rose's voice was lilting and high as she called for her in a singing tone. The giggling accompanying it was nothing like her usual hard exterior. _

_The ground beneath her feet became looser the closer she came to the edge, and Bella didn't call back as she inched her way forward. _

_At war with her own equilibrium, Bella wavered in the strong salty wind whipping her hair about her face, but she didn't feel the cold. _

_They'd been up here for hours, bundled up in blankets in the bed of her truck to watch the stars - hotboxing in the cab, laughing, and having a good time - when the emptiness struck. _

_Sometimes it happened that way; one moment she'd be fine and the next, barely holding back tears. Suddenly she'd felt so alone, so desolate that the smiling faces of her friends seemed to mock her. _

_As if they were aware of her innate inability to be happy and wanted to flaunt theirs. _

_She left them behind her somewhere in the darkness and not really caring where she was walking until she focused on the roar of the waves hitting the cliffs below._

_As her toes reached the precipice, she titled forward unnaturally and gasped. _

_She wanted to jump, not fall._

_Fighting against her own imbalance and the tug of the wind, she pulled back and sat down. _

_Her legs dangling over the edge, she looked down fully for the first time. _

_Surveying the inky blackness, she wondered what it would feel like to submerge herself in that crashing darkness. Would the coldness be hard and numbing, like plunging into an ice cold bath, or would the intensity of it feel like being stabbed with a thousand white hot needles? _

_Would the currents toss her around like a rag doll, throwing her body against the unforgiving walls of stone, or would she simply sink to the bottom unnoticed? _

_Standing slowly, she teetered precariously, taking breath after breath to prepare herself. _

_Finally she lifted her foot and placing it over the edge, she hovered in that weightless moment between standing and falling. _

_Rather than the cool wind rushing past her skin, she felt a vice clamp around her arm and a burning pain in her shoulder as she was yanked backwards. Landing on the dusty ground, she looked around in confusion. _

_Calloused fingertips roughly grasped her face and pulled her into focus. Jasper's eyes were darker than she'd ever seen them, but his voice was even. _

"_No, Bella." Shaking his head slowly, he pulled her to her feet, his voice only breaking as he called into the distance, "Found her."_

Opening her eyes slowly, Bella exhaled and turned back to Edward.

"Nothing really. I was just about to jump when he pulled me back. Apparently it's a little too high for recreation here. It was probably a good thing. I'm not the strongest swimmer." She smiled sheepishly and shook her head.

Edward didn't return her smile or laugh at the story. His expression was unreadable.

"So now you just stay away from the edge?"

"Yep." She laughed a little. "It's obviously just too tempting for me"

As he continued to stare at her, Bella became aware of the tension in his expression. He looked almost angry as he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Bella, you really need to take better care of yourself."

Bristling immediately, Bella shook her head strongly.

"You don't get to tell me how to behave, Edward." Startled by her harsh tone, he looked up. "You don't even know me. I do look after myself; it's all I've ever done. So I don't need you judging me."

As she moved to slide off the truck, Edward grabbed her hand, and she froze.

"I'm not judging you. I'm just worried about you." He hesitated for a second before looking straight into her eyes again. "You're right, Bella, I don't really know you. But I want to."

Feeling herself buckle under the weight of his words, Bella shrugged helplessly.

"What do you want from me, Edward?" As his mouth opened and closed without a response, she tried again. "Why are you here?"

"Because I want to be," His small smile was almost shy as he ran his hand through his hair. "I can't seem to stop thinking about you, and I don't know if I want to. Isn't that enough?"

Nodding dumbly, Bella felt her skin warm. She couldn't understand why he was here or why he said the things he did, but she didn't want him to stop.

With a low groan, Edward raised their clasped hands to his face so the back of her hand was resting on his lips. The brief contact was like a static charge that Bella felt through her entire body.

"You're going to have to stop doing that."

"What?" Her question came out somewhere between a squeak and a whisper, and Edward tilted his head to the side to smile at her.

"Blushing like that. I'm finding it pretty irresistible right now." He chuckled softly, but Bella immediately began to blush more furiously and dropped her eyes, biting her lip with her nerves. "Yeah, that's not helping either."

Her head rising in surprise, Bella barely had time to register what was happening before Edward's mouth was on hers.

Bella couldn't get over the softness of his lips, but where he had been gentle before, he was now kissing her forcefully, and Bella reciprocated eagerly. As his tongue swept along her lip she opened her mouth and reveled in the feel of his tongue as it flicked out to meet her own.

Their hands still clasped, Edward began to move his thumb in circles on the back of her hand, the small movements were soft but with a sense of urgency. His other hand lifted to cup her neck firmly and pull her body toward him.

As she slid across the hood of her truck, Bella reached out a hand to stop from losing her balance and grasped onto Edward's shirt, fisting it as their kisses became more frantic.

When he broke away from her lips to suck lightly on the sensitive skin of her neck, a soft groan escaped her at the sheer pleasure of the sensations, and she let her head drop back to allow him more access.

Her skin tingled in every place where they touched and her body reacted instinctually, the heat pooling. Making herself pliant to his movements, Bella began to lie back on the hood of the truck, his body resting hesitantly above hers. Just as he began to lower himself, a shrill ringing sounded loudly.

Pulling back with an exasperated grunt, Edward hung his head and fumbled in his pocket pulling out his cell phone.

"What?" he answered shortly, and Bella stifled a laugh at his tone. Listening, she could only make out the tinny sounds of someone else talking, but as it continued, Edward slowly sat up and moved away.

"Yeah, I'm with her. She's fine, Ali." Edward glanced up and rolled his eyes. "No, I just didn't feel like it," he said, flicking his eyes down and back up to her face quickly. "I know. Yeah, I'll be back. Thanks, Ali."

Tossing the phone from hand to hand, Edward looked back out toward the sea for a moment before turning back to Bella.

"Alice says can you please answer your phone, 'cause Rose wants to know where the fuck you are."

"Shit." Bella rolled her eyes as she slid off the truck and made her way to the driver's door, grabbing her phone from the seat. She noted the missed calls and began to read the messages, quickly replying to Rose.

**Where's the fire? Just gone for a drive. Talk to you later ~ B**

Scrolling through the messages, Bella stopped at one from Jasper.

**B, Rose is freakin, but I'm guessing you're with Edward so I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either, he can handle it. ~ J**

She paused as she considered whether to reply or not, but there was nothing she could say in a text. She didn't even know where to begin.

"So, I guess we better head back soon. I need to pick up Alice from school." Edward sounded reluctant as he moved off of the truck to stand across from her, and Bella wanted to ask him to just stay with her for however long he would. But she didn't.

"Sure, let's go."

Bella felt the familiar nerves wash over her as she climbed back into the truck, as though their time on the bluff had just been an ellipsis from her real life. She didn't even know what all of this meant, or if Edward would want it to carry on at all.

As she turned the truck around, Edward turned to look out the rear window toward the cliff edge behind them.

"Thanks for bringing me here."

Her first instinct was to act like it hadn't meant anything, but when she saw the earnest expression on his face, she stopped short and decided to be sincere for once.

"You're welcome."

His smile told her she had said the right thing, and when he reached for her hand again, she felt an unfamiliar contentment flood through her.

**A/N - Okay, so as usual Savage Woman and Belle of the B are amazing and deal with my excessive comma usage. Will I ever learn? It's doubtful. This is kind of a slow burn, but honestly, we're getting somewhere eventually. **

**If you felt like leaving me a review that would be awesome - I'd really like to hear what people think, and I know there's a couple of you out there reading this (thanks btw!)...what do you think? Shall I stick with it?  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N - So it's been a while... sorry about that, got a little distracted by an actual summer here in England! **

**Chapter 11 – **

**EPOV**

Reluctantly, Edward watched Bella drive off with Rose and Jasper, and although he knew it was irrational, he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He wanted to keep Bella all to himself; he was consumed with a need to know everything about her, but everything she told him only raised more questions.

Again he couldn't seem to reconcile the cold, taciturn girl he saw walking through the halls at school with the girl who had sung along with him at the top of her lungs as they drove.

A smile spread across his face as he thought about the way she had teased him on their drive before revealing the most beautiful and secluded spot.

She was a walking contradiction, impossible to pin down or figure out, but completely irresistible. It occurred to him that if he wasn't careful, he would fall for her, hard.

Although he would never admit it, the thought scared him.

A hand waving in front of his face caught his attention, and he looked down to see Alice watching him with enjoyment.

"Hello? Anyone in there?" At his recognition, she smirked. "So, now you have to tell me everything."

"No, Ali. I really don't." He turned to walk toward the car and stopped at the sound of her musical laugh. Something that usually meant she knew she was going to get her way and she was amused by the idea that anyone thought differently. His shoulders slumping in defeat, Edward turned again. "What?"

Pretending to intently study her fingernails, Alice sighed melodramatically.

"It's just that, if you don't tell me what's happening with you and Bella." She looked up at him, the mock sorrow clear on her face. "Then I'll be forced to tell Mom and Dad that you've been ditching school." As his face contorted in surprise and irritation, she continued, "I mean, I care about you so much, big brother. I only want what's best for you."

The glint in her eye belied her innocent expression as Alice waited.

"That's a low blow, Alice. I can't believe you would threaten me with Mom and Dad." Shaking his head, feigning disappointment, Edward sighed. "I thought we were past these petty games."

As they both tried not to laugh, Alice folded her arms across her chest and stared him down.

"Try me."

By the time they reached the house and Edward had filled Alice in on his day, he was grinning like a fool.

Even though he'd kept his descriptions brief and tried not to give too much away, Alice seemed to see right through him. Occasionally she would erupt into strange squealing noises at his words, and Edward found her excitement contagious.

Edward was happy, happier than he had been in a long time, and Bella had done that. He just hoped that he made her feel the same way.

888888888888

Edward pulled into the school parking lot bright and early again the next day, waiting for Bella to pull up. When he recognized the low rumble of her truck approaching, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

A gentle squeeze on his hand made him look down to see his sister give him a brief smile before she walked into the school.

Jasper and Rosalie bundled out of Bella's truck, sparing him quick waves and head nods as they made their own way inside the building. Walking slowly over to her door, Edward tried to conceal his excitement. Bella tended to be skittish, and he didn't want to spook her.

After a few moments she stumbled out of the truck and hit the ground, slamming the door behind her with a low curse.

"Morning," Edward called out softly.

Her head shot up immediately, and he couldn't contain his grin any longer at the startled expression on her face. She was definitely skittish.

"Uh, hi?" It came out as more of a question than anything else, and Edward quirked his eyebrow in amusement at her apparent confusion.

But his amusement quickly gave way to dismay as she pushed past him with a deep sigh and a weary shake of her head. That hadn't gone at all how he had expected.

Clearing his own head with a quick shake, he turned quickly to follow her, reaching out and snagging her fingertips with his own as he caught up to her shuffled footsteps.

"Okay, I'm just gonna write that off as you really not being a morning person and try not to take it too personally." Tilting his head to try and catch her eye, Edward realized Bella had stopped moving and was staring, slack jawed, at their clasped hands.

Her eyes lifted slowly to meet his, and he tried again with another tentative smile. She seemed to be assessing him, searching his gaze for something he couldn't be sure she would find. Just as the smile was about to fall from his face, she raised one corner of her mouth and bit the edge of her lip.

"No, I'm not really a morning person at all." Sparing a quick glance down at their joined hands, she continued, "And not taking things personally might be something you'll have to get used to with me."

Dropping her eyes to the floor again, Bella let her hand go limp in his grasp, as though she was expecting him to let go at any second.

"I'm sure I can handle that… Bells."

Edward couldn't tell whether it was his words, the slight squeeze he gave her tiny hand, or the use of her nickname; but she seemed to have found what she was looking for, and she graced him with a blinding smile in return.

"Good." With the one small word, Edward felt a sense of relief flood through him. He hadn't even been aware of the faint nerves taking residence in his stomach when she walked away from him, but the moment they disappeared, he felt it.

"Good," he returned. "So, no more ignoring me?" He thought he had managed to keep the tinge of desperation out of his voice; he didn't want her to know just how much he cared about her answer.

Surprising him yet again, she just shrugged one shoulder coolly and smirked at him. "Maybe. I guess that depends on you."

It was a challenge – everything about her was a challenge, but this time, she knew what she was asking of him. She was warning him, giving him every opportunity to cut and run, but there was no chance of that now. She couldn't scare him off, and he was determined to prove it to her.

"Well, I better not fuck this up then." Flashing a cocky grin, he watched her eyes widen in surprise. "Like I told you, I'm sick of staying away from you." A faint blush covered her cheeks, and this time he couldn't stop himself from leaning forward and feeling the warmth against his skin. Pressing his lips briefly to her face, he let his lips turn up into a smile. "See you at lunch."

As the bell rang he walked away, leaving her standing in a stunned silence in the empty hallway.

**BPOV**

Bella found herself gaping at Edward as he walked away. No, he sauntered away, that was really the only way to describe it.

She could still feel her skin tingling where his lips had pressed against her moments before, and unthinkingly, her fingertips began to rise to that spot. Catching herself, Bella dropped her arm sheepishly to her side despite being the only person in the hallway, and then rolled her eyes at herself for being such a girl.

She stood in the hallway until she could no longer hear his footsteps and contemplated the silence around her.

Waking earlier that morning, Bella had had the best of intentions about actually going to all of her classes after ditching the day before. She had a vague and unrealistic idea that her classes might distract her from thinking about Edward every minute of the day.

It was obvious that was going to be impossible now.

With a huff of breath and the unpleasant squeak of her sneakers on the floor, she spun toward the exit and made her way back into the early morning's drizzle.

Pulling the comforting anonymity of her hood up around her face, Bella traipsed around the outside of the school, heading for the patch of concrete behind the cafeteria.

As she dropped her bag to the ground, Bella surveyed the narrow space of concrete between the cafeteria and the back of the gym.

Lightly sheltered from the rain and close enough to the generator to provide some additional warmth, it had been her favourite smoking spot since her first week at school.

She hadn't been there for a while. Since the purchase of her truck and her subsequent ability to easily escape the confines of the school, she hadn't had too many reasons for visiting the drab corridor littered with butts.

But it was still familiar and bizarrely comforting, even though she knew how easy it was to get caught out here. With a small sad smile, Bella slid down the dirty wall as she thought about the first time she'd been caught smoking in this spot.

_The plastic chair was hard underneath her legs, and Bella's feet tapped nervously against the squeaky floor. Her fingernail clamped firmly between her teeth, Bella allowed her apprehension to take its toll on her cuticles. _

_She could feel their eyes on her, but there was no whispered gossip. They would save that for after she had left. _

_The silence was heavy with implication, disturbed only briefly by the hesitant shuffling of papers and the hastily answered phone. _

_Not for the first time, she wished that Jasper was sitting on the uncomfortable chair beside her. But he had already been suspended, without any consultation or discussion. That meant three days without him by her side unless she happened to get suspended too. _

_It didn't seem likely; it was only ditching and a couple of cigarettes, and she was new, so she thought she might just get detention and a warning. She supposed they were lucky that they hadn't been caught five minutes earlier, with the freshly rolled joint dangling from her fingertips. That would probably have warranted a call to the cops for both of them, rather than just Charlie. _

_In the kind of echoing stillness only found in empty school corridors, a single door slammed and Bella winced. The row of curled hairdos and perched glasses rose from behind the desk to watch the door to the office. _

_His footsteps were hollow, the soles of his shoes didn't squeak as he made his way down the hallway, and Bella could picture him clearly before he came into view. _

_Full uniform, hand resting on the butt of his gun, perma-scowl etched into his forehead. _

_As he pushed the office door open, she wasn't disappointed. _

"_Chief Swan." It was like a well rehearsed chorus, and despite her nerves, Bella had to bite the inside of her mouth to prevent her smile from escaping. _

_With just a terse nod at his gaggle of admirers, Charlie passed Bella by without even a cursory glance, and suddenly she didn't need to fight off the smile anymore. _

_In the way that only sitting outside your principal's office can make it, time slowed to a standstill. Bella caught rumbling murmurs from underneath the heavy oak door, but nothing she could make out. _

_She wondered if the murmurs that made their way past the weighty barrier meant that their voices were raised. Then she wondered if that might mean that Charlie cared after all. _

_Eventually the door opened with a sigh. She couldn't tell if it was the air passing beneath through the doorway or her father's weary breath, but the sound seemed to mark a shift for Bella. _

_The man who came out of the office that day, shoulders stooped in resignation, spared her a single look. The muddy brown of their eyes meeting for what felt like the first time in the weeks that she had been living with this taciturn man._

"_Let's go." His voice was deep and gruff, and Bella knew that it commanded respect in this backwaters town, but all she heard was disappointment and defeat. _

_He didn't wait for her as he strode out of the office, through the school, and into the parking lot. Didn't acknowledge her as they made their way to separate cars, or when they met again at their front door. _

_It wasn't until she began climbing up the stairs that he finally cleared his throat, but she stopped instantly. Awaiting his judgement, his condemnation, his rancour. _

"_As far as I'm concerned you're pretty much an adult now, Bella." Her heart stuttered as he said her name, but there was no familiarity or affection in those two small syllables. "I don't have time to come down to that school again. I told them as much, and I'll tell you. As long as your grades stay up, they're not to bother me again. Understood?" _

_Without turning, Bella nodded, she understood. He was washing his hands of her. She was on her own again. It seemed he didn't even care enough to punish her. She made to climb the stairs once more when his quiet voice stopped her in her tracks again._

"_A lot of people say that Hale boy is trouble, and I can see why with his record, but I won't tell you who you can be friends with." _

_It wasn't what she had been expecting, and she didn't understand what he meant by it. _

_Suddenly there were a million questions racing through her head as she realized she didn't understand anything about this man. But before she could turn and ask him anything, the front door was opening, and he was gone. _

At the sound of another nearby door dropping closed, Bella turned her head to the side and rested it on her knees. She already knew that it would be "that Hale boy," leaning carelessly against the wall as he watched her. The only thing she wasn't sure of was how long she'd been sitting there.

"Hey, Jas." Her throat was croaky from disuse, and she wondered why that was always happening to her. Why, she so frequently went for hours without speaking to another soul, did her throat close up on itself?

With a dip of his head and a slow smile, Jasper started to walk toward her, and it was so reminiscent of the first time they'd met that, for a moment, Bella could almost mistake him for that angry fifteen year old he'd been.

"Hells Bells. What you doing hiding back here?" Folding his legs beneath him as he sank to the ground beside her, Jasper focused his eyes on hers and waited. But when Bella dropped her gaze and started to pull at the rubber on the edge of her sneaker, he sighed and turned to face the wall opposite them.

"Just needed to do some thinking, you know. My head's kind of a mess right now." As Jas nodded his head without looking back at her, Bella waited in vain for him to ask her why. "You know, 'cause of everything that's going on."

Sometimes all Bella wanted was for Jas to badger the information out of her like Rose would. To hassle her until she just had to tell him to shut him up. Then it wouldn't feel so much like spilling her guts. It would be like he'd forced her to admit everything, and that would be so much easier.

But that just wasn't Jasper's style. He knew it would be so much more meaningful if she chose to tell him. So he was happy to wait for however long it took.

Usually it took a while; Bella didn't like admitting she had feelings, let alone sharing them with other people. Even those she trusted like Rose and Jasper. Yet for some reason, she wanted to tell Jasper everything about Edward.

She wanted to sit on the cold dingy walkway between the cafeteria and the back of the gym and gush about a boy she liked to her best friend.

She wanted to tell him because it didn't quite seem real. She wanted to tell him and see if she was being naïve or stupid to believe that Edward might actually be interested in her.

As much as she wanted to believe that he could be, it just didn't make any sense to her. Guys only ever wanted one thing from Bella, and then it was usually only because she'd thrown herself at them.

Why would Edward be any different?

Bella studied Jasper's profile as these thoughts passed through her mind. Waiting for him to respond, her mouth opened and closed as she tried to put the words together to explain everything she was feeling. How frightened she was about falling for someone and the power that would give him to hurt her.

Without turning back to her, Jasper simply nodded his head once slowly. "Yup."

Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Bella let out a shaky breath and sighed out a responding, "Yeah."

Jasper squinted as though he was trying to see something in the distance and spoke without looking at her again, "So, I was thinking about asking Alice out."

Despite the dull ache his words caused in her chest, Bella let out a small laugh. "You haven't asked her out yet?" At his surprised shake of the head, her laughter grew a little louder. "Well fuck, Jas. Grow a pair and do it already. It's not like she's going to say no."

When he finally turned to look at her again, Bella was shocked to see those unfamiliar nerves shining through his eyes again. Running a hand through his hair and resting it on the back of his neck, Jasper shook his head helplessly. "It's not that, Bells." For a moment, his mouth turned up in the cocky smirk she knew so well. "I'm pretty sure she'll say yes. It's just; where the fuck can I take her?"

Understanding dawned on Bella as she realized the full implication of his question. Reaching out to grasp his free hand in her own, she shook her head at him.

"She's not gonna give a shit about stuff like that, Jas. I'm sure she'll just want to be with you, you know?"

Jasper let out a harsh laugh that reminded Bella even more of the angry boy she used to know, and she flinched at the sound.

"Really, Bells? You think being with me will be enough? I've got nothing to offer her except a criminal record and a fucked up family. What do you think she'll think about that?"

It almost seemed as though he wanted her to tell him to give up, that it would never work anyway so he shouldn't even bother. But she could see the hope in his eyes, the hope that she wouldn't reconfirm all his fears of being worthless. Fears that had plagued him for years.

"Honestly?" She waited for his response, and at his brisk nod, she smiled. "I don't think it'll matter. Besides, you're so much more than that anyway, and even if you weren't, all girls love a bad boy, Jas."

He shook his head at her, and the traces of a smile began to appear in his eyes.

"That they do, Bells. Not you though, huh?"

Deciding for once not to feign ignorance or cover her feelings with sarcasm, Bella asked Jasper quietly, "I dunno. You don't think he's a bad guy then?"

No one's opinion meant more to Bella than Jasper's and Rose's, and although both had made their feelings pretty clear, if Bella was going to risk anything on Edward, she wanted to be sure.

"Nah. He's not a bad guy."

With a nod of her head, Bella acknowledged his statement. It still didn't mean anything. He still might not be interested in her, but if he was, she wasn't going to run away from him anymore.

**A/N - Huge thanks as usual to PTB, especially Ava Abney and as usual Savage Woman for taking a look at this for me and making sure it actually makes some sense! **

**Also, there seem to be some new people reading my little fic, so thanks to everyone who favourited and alerted this and hi! **

**It would be awesome if you'd let me know what you thought of this chapter too...**


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